Leave me be

In the midst of unconformity there is struggle.
I am struggling.

Chaos is a bliss compared to this silent argument i have in my head.
How can I start? I am too afraid even to think I can get out of this.

Someone, save me.

When u feel too scared and helpless, u get scared to do anything about it when really u can do something.

U just have to start.

Oh why, love?
I only see you in other people's shadow.
To even look at you is an error, to dream about you is bearing hope, i know will end in sorrow.

Take a step back, You are almost crossing the line.
This is the point where we will meet every day without it being a crime.

I know. I see it too. It gets clearer every second.
We must not. we can not. we shall not.

I have another war to fight. Let me be.
Leave me be.

It is a start

COld. It shouldn't be this cold so early in the morning.
Breakfast is a null as always with me. Calory burning is always an option i choose to ignore.
SO, no biological heat to warm me through.

Mondays are always mellow. I avoid coming into the office whenever i can, just so i can fool myself into believing the weekend is still on when really it is the start of a new week.
hehehe...how i need to get myself a shrink.

New things have braced my life all of last week. They didn't just appear, I somehow worked my charm and voila ! they were there. Something I've been dying to get my hands on.
Actually, there really was only one thing and the others were merely accessories, necessary ones if i might add. heehee..

This space i have created for myself has been neglected for a while. It does not deserve this kind of treatment. Abandonment is a crime against stable emotional state, and I am guilty without charge.

Oh, how I try to update. Believe, i do. But, there are just so many boring stuffs happening and unworthy of a post in here. Forgive me for I don't wanna sound generic nor cliche. Every fiber of my whole being is so against it, I cringe if I ever read another blog that talks about what they did 2 seconds ago, in the bathroom. I mean, really ?

Ok, enough with me rambling. Need to catch up with work.
It is a start of a new week.
Lets start then.

Honour

COurage is honour.

When someone does something out of the ordinary, courage takes place.

I am not afraid to be different.
I will not be what I know I cannot be.
I will not do something just because it was required of me.

I will not succumb...

For I have courage for my honour.

Imbeciles

I do not understand it.
you have the most hurtful thing to say to a person and you do it via facebook.

to make it better, you don't do it with that person's name written next to the sayings, you make it GENERAL. 'pfff..'

As though everyone you know is as hateful as that person you are obviously describing because you just had a bitter arguement with him/her.

Why won't you just say it to their face?
especially when that person lives with you?
Why do you get all of us involved in this clearly immature, childish, imbecile-like rant on how that person is the most horrible human being ever created by God?

Will it make you feel better?
Because you think you could convey how you really feel to that person in question?
hey dumbo, if the person you are targetting happens to not read anything you write on your FB wall let alone even care about noticing any of your 'public cry for attention' posts, then what purpose would your post serve?

Oh.. I know. You think your fb friends will care.
Oh my. gimme a break. They DON'T.
the just love drama provided free by freaks like you so that they can have fresh juicy gossips to talk about when they have nothing better to do.
Losers like you are their favourite prey. They act like they care just so you spill out more stuffs you know you wouldn't spill on a normal day.
Best yet, they'd probably be laughing at you behind your back, just because they think u freaking deserve it.

Yes, they are fake like that.

Plus, if you're almost a quarter century old, and you still do that, it is just plain LAME.

Grow up.

And it starts

Happy new year.

I will not start with the obvious question of new year's resolutions. I have none.
Resolutions should not be made annually, or so i think. I think. yes. They should be a lifetime worth of effort. Me? i made the mistake of making resolutions every year. Too bad, i feel like a failure every year for not meeting most of the goals I set at the beginnig of each year.

Ok, so. starting this year and so forth I want to be more forgiving.
For the past years, forgiving has not been my most noticeable quality. I hold grudges. Yes. People and the world have not been too kind to me. Unjustice makes me angry. Irrelevance gone unnotice bewilders me. Bias is the word most practiced in action every second of the day.

If I can overcome unjustice, irrelevance and bias, maybe I can be more forgiving.
That also means turning a deaf ear, playing dumb, and succumbing to plain stupidity.

Which is it?

-Ba$tard$-

Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards.

-Louis McMaster Bujold,1999-

I have met many bastards in life and I sure will meet more. Kinda nice to know I'll outlive a bunch of bastards.

-Food for thought, eh?-

The voyage

You don’t just put your trust in somebody, just like that. No. That is like putting your self in the middle of a road during rush hour. Is that really hard to plant in your mind?

Hideous kind of heartbreak, remember that? It is coming. When I said i prayed for it, I wasn’t just saying it. I really did.

How does it feel? Don’t worry. It will pass. The questions, confusions, pain. They all will seem pointless after a while.

Yes, right now it hurts to know betrayal would choose to visit you too. I too, thought it was not possible. I, and now you know we were both wrong.

Very wrong.

That boat you’re on right now, I used to be its captain.

So, trust me on this. This is just another voyage, in a sea of unknown and your next stop is closer than you think. Right now, the storm makes you think you will never make it back to land. But, when your feet actually touch land, you know you will get back on the same boat and sail through the same sea regardless of the bad storm you’ve faced moments before.

You’ll see, it is not so bad after all.

Annoyance to the max.

Okay. I was doing my thing, not bugging anyone, except some people, only because i was asking around if they happen to have microsoft office 2007 installer.
My Desktop was reformatted 2 weeks back and everything has to be reinstalled for the desktop to work properly. The computer whiz in my office installed Microsoft Office 2003 in my computer. So, you can guess the annoyance i get when I can't open any form of documents created from the microsoft office 2007 software. My previous work was saved in the '.docx' and '.xlsx' format, meaning no work day for me. ..ha ha, I wish.

Anyway, suddenly my office phone was ringing and i picked up. There was this really uncharacteristically loud voice on the other end greeting me and asking me how my day was going.
Heck. he even asked if I already had my breakfast? seriously WTF??

Can you imagine how the salesperson for telemarketing talks you into buying any of their stuffs and ask you to post in some money for payment? Okay, imagine that times 238.

Damn! he said i was the lucky selected few from F*IM who will get free 2 days and 1 night stay at any hotel in Malaysia which are under the Orient group company. He asked me to spare him 5 minutes from my day and allow him to explain/con me into taking the offer.

Of course there was an underlying term/condition that I have to succumb to in order to materialize that offer (betulkah vocab aku?).

He went on and on about how good their hotels are especially the one in Krabi and Sarawak and Bali. Heck, when will I get the chance to go there? definitely not now or next year. For Sure!
This guy was trying to sell me as though I go to holidays all the time, like I have all the money in the world to do that...Hello!!! Student here. Bengong!

After he went on for about 10 minutes>>>By now,I seriously was on the verge of jumping off a cliff listening to him. ok, memang tipu. mane ade cliff kat sini. he said, you should totally register as our member to enjoy all the benefits I've mentioned just now.
Herk, I have to register? bukan ko kate tadi free ke?

Heiiishhh!!!

I thought there was a catch. So, it appeared that I have to pay an amount of RM568 to enjoy the benefits as well as the FREE 2 DAYS I NIGHT STAY in a deluxe room at any hotels in Malaysia that are under their company group.
DAmn!! I wasted a good 15 minutes listening to him rambling on and on about this 'promotion' that only a few selected lucky people get to enjoy.
TIPU !!!!!!!!!!!

Hehe, anyhoooo...the joke was on him.
While he waited patiently for me to say 'Alright, make me a Member',
I pulled out the phone cord/cable and just hung up.

Huh!!

No babai, no thank you.
Just ......

Effortless

Thursday. Morning. really...Morning. as in 9.03 am when I started this entry.

This blog is covered in spiderwebs. Metaphorically speaking of course. Blogging has not been on my utmost priorities list for quite sometimes now. No reason. I just didn't know what to write about.
Sure, i've been to places and done a lot this past couple of months, but i never seemed to find the best way to put everything down in writing.
Plus, my writing skill has somehow deteriorated. And, if anyone does read my blog, you would notice that my english is like a complete laughing stock. Way below par--> Am not laughing though.

So, I sorta realized yesterday after a conversation I had on the phone with my boss that I could not effortlessly construct a simple sentence in english the way i was able to. How effortless was I before? Well, constructing a simple english sentence did not include stuttering through out the whole conversation, when me is involved, then. Hurgh!! Really, i do not stutter. The reason I stuttered was because I was rushing my brain to find the word i want to use in the next sentence. And when the time came for me to vocalize the next sentence, i stuttered again because the sentence I anticipated in my head was somehow irrelevant to the conversation prior to the previous feedback from my boss---> hence the stuttering game.

Heck..! suddenly Joe’s “Stutter” song came to mind while I’m writing this.

‘I can tell you're lying
Cause when you're replying
You stutter, stutter, stu-stutter, stutter’

Damn! Don’t be getting any negative ideas. The conversation I had with my boss was lies-free. I don’t need to lie to him. He is a GREAT boss. I adore him...Seriously, he could be my long lost father from another lifetime.  Erk?? Heee..pretend u missed reading that part.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. There’s a theory that i came up with as to why my english is no longer as good as it was before of course when I use the word good here it means in my standard where english is my second language and i do not use it in my daily conversations with people on a regular basis. So, if there’s anybody reading this right now thinking ;

“hek eleh, cam bagus sangat Inggeris die. Even my english is better ONE than hers”

 Serious?? Ape ko ingat ni cerite ONE Malaysia ke ape? Need I say more?
 for those who don’t get it, here’s a hint ......‘MANGLISH’.....

Ekeke, I funny one...Oops! ok, ok.
Again, back to the theory I was about to disclose.
I think the reason why my english is not as fluidly fluent as before is because I do not speak the language as often as I used to.
What a Revelation !!

Back in the days, I spoke a whole lot of english with my school friends everyday. I didn’t get to converse in english at home, so school was the perfect place for me to practice. The fact that i was also in the school’s english debating team helped too. English language was not so foreign to me. It was EffortleSS, should I say.

Hehe, I kid not. There was one time, my teacher asked me to read an essay I submitted for an essay writing competition for the school’s Mother’s/Father’s Day celebration. Actually, there were no entries from the students when the school first asked for essays about our mother/father. Guess what the school did. They asked all the English teachers in our school to give their students homework on writing an essay about our mother/father. Every single person wearing school uniforms in our school had to write an essay about their mother/father. Brilliant, wasn’t it? Hehe, takut kene marah sebenarnye.

So, when the teacher asked me to read it in front of the whole school, you can automatically guess I won the competitionDuh..!
And, no no. The point of this particular part of this entry is not about how I was super-duper–talented-in-essay-writing (little bit only..hehe), but rather about what happened the day of the presentation.

The school invited the entire essay writing competition winners’ father/mother to school to watch their kids read/embarrass themselves in front of the whole school. I was a nervous wreck. Why? My essay was about my mother, about how I love my mother, about how my mother molded me into this not so BeauTifUl, could be more RespONsiBle, un-TaLenTed person. Heck, did I need to parade around about how good of a job my mom was doing where me was concerned? YES!! HAHA..I mean no. But, technically yes. I mean, no. Erk, I’m not sure. What I meant was, I’m sure everybody’s mom is doing their very best when it comes to their children well-being…right?
Plus, I do not wear my heart on the sleeves, which meant going up on stage to ramble on and on about how I love my mother was unimaginable…

As I read my essay on stage, no sound came from the audience. ..My head went “WTF, everyone’s fallen asleep listening to me”. No sound came from the people on stage too. Oh, I forgot to mention, my school principle was sitting on stage along with the vice principle and this big shot called the ‘Director of the district education department’ (mouthful!). Now, can you imagine the pressure I was under? Heck, none! LOL!!!
Nobody made a sound. Good Gosh!! My mouth wished it could speak faster than ever.
I didn’t even look at my mom who was seated at the back of the school hall. ..Yeah, yeah..she was probably wondering why would all these people would want to listen to her daughter yapping about her?  Because they had to. It was a freaking celebration at school.

Finally, the essay came down to its last sentence after what seemed like an eternity. Darn, this part is so like ‘WTF-why-did-I-just-do-that’. At the end of the presentation, I paused to look at the audience and my mom I swear to God, I heard a cricket rolling on the floor laughing somewhere, hysterically. Ehem, ok, no applause. You know what I did? I said “I love you mom. She’s the pretty lady sitting at the back there” while my hand pointing at the back of the school hall like I was giving an acceptance speech at the Grammy’s. ..Damn, I could’ve been a Rock StarIrrelevant to the post.
Hak hak! You know what my mom did? She stood up from her chair and waved back at me while the whole school turned their head trying to locate which lady I was pointing at. Of course they spotted her. She ain’t no tall lady, but when she was the only one standing up waving at the stage, poof !! she was an instant celebrity.
By then, the cricket laughing was just drowned by the sound of hands clapping and people cheering. Dude, if I knew it was that easy I wouldn’t have read the whole damn essay in front of everyone and would just get up the stage and say that one magical sentence.Regrets?hee..I shy.

Afterwards, my mom was invited on to the stage to accept a trophy engraved with the phrase ‘Exemplary Mother’. Sheesshh..did I make my mom proud, huh? Hehehe..
She was stoked, I tell you. I mean, it was one of those few times I think I could clearly see how proud my mom was of me and how she could see how proud I am of her…*tearing up* (n_n) pause for dramatic effect.

Ok, tissues are almost out…(T___T)
Later, when we were treated to some refreshments after the assembly, my mom said that a lady who sat next to her during the ceremony asked her whether she married somebody from overseas i.e: UK/USA? Then that lady and other people who were listening to their conversation asked whether I was born overseas i.e: UK/USA? Then they asked whether I had, by any chance gone to an international school? The answer to all those questions were NO. Then, all of them speculated that everyone in my family speaks English at home. Again, she said no. We speak our mother tongue at homeBahasa Malaysia la wei!!

It was somehow perplexing to them that I was able to speak and write a good essay in english without having any obvious history on how I came to do just that. They said that it was not how I was able to produce a good essay, but rather how I speak the language as though I was a native English speaker.
In short, how come I don’t sound like a Malaysian speaking in English? Erk..i dunno.
I watch MTV a lot..?.hey! they have very interesting vocabularies used in there. Seriously, where else can you hear the word bootylicious, bromance, fugly? RTM 1?

Hehehe, witty me, eh? Anyhooooeeeee…My friend from USA as in a ‘Minah Salehah’ from California once asked me where I learned to speak English? I said “school”.
She then asked “you mean school outside of Malaysia?”
 memangla bangang gak soalan die ni kan. Omputeh ni memang perasan die je la gamaknye bes. Aiseh!! Ingat orang blaja kat Malaysia xle pandai ckp omputeh? Ceitt!!
I said “no”. Aku tak rase cool pun jawab sepatah-sepatah.
And then she said “that’s strange. You don’t sound like you have an accent (she doesn’t consider an American accent as an accent, cause duh! she is one) and when you speak, you don’t sound like any other Malaysians I’ve spoken to”.
Friendly reminder: I do not speak with an American Accent. I do not think so, at the very least. DO I?
Pokak apo minah salehah sorang tu?

Please be reminded; this is not a ‘get in the basket and lift it up yourself’ entry about how ‘mind-blowingly-good’ my English proficiency is. IT IS NOT. I’m sure there is a lot of grammar mistake towards the completion of this entrywhich strikes me: maybe I should get myself a book on improving my grammar. Heck, while I’m on it, a book on vocabulary sounds tempting too. Whenever I go blog-hopping and bumped into a blog where the author’s vocabularies include some of the best bombastic words, me get jealous. Not to mention, when the author use some words I don’t understand me get embarrassed *T_T*

Pardon my French, Moi English needs to sound effortless…again.

Forgive Me

Hello.

Forgive me.
Will you?
It is still Eid isn't it?
So, forgive me.
Please..

i have all these words,
to elaborate on my apology.
but the part that matters is always the 'begging part'.
sorry. i do not beg.
I simply seek.
yes, for your forgiveness.

Forgive me,
for not noticing.
Forgive me,
for not seeing.
Forgive me,
for not encouraging.
Forgive me,
for not understanding.
Forgive me,
for not listening.
Forgive me,
for not telling.
Forgive me,
for being too late.
Forgive me,
for trying to forget.
Forgive me,
for failing to do all that..

Also..
Forgive me,
for saying 'congratulations',
because i know you don't need to hear it from me,
somehow, being the selfish retard that i am,
i need to say it,
because,
forgive me one more time,
for i need to move on..

Compromised

There was a ringing in my head.

Loud and almost frightening.

Sometimes it stopped and in a moment resumed.

My head is trying to bear.



Fine.

WHat is bothering me?

Last I checked, I am not easily bothered.

Even the smell of the cat soiling (fresh) greeting me everytime i come home from work does not bother me.

Yes, Nothing quite bothers me as easy.



Nonetheless, this one thing bothers me.

After 25 years of good resistence or should I say, divergence...I have been compromised.

It took so long.


This one thing becomes harder when you know, you can't resist it nor succumb to it.

A battle of the emotions.

Life is all about emoting.

Right?


At the moment, my emotion is not as rich.

I have learned how to make it less 'colourful', if I can say so.


Ok, the butterflies have left.

Me here, just me...with 'ME'.

An attempt at stopping

Why are you looking at me like that?

You are sending me the wrong signal.

This is not an option.
You must not see me this way.
Hiding is not what I do best.

Figuring me out might get easier for you.
If you will not stop stealing glances at me.


Understand this.
You should stay on your side.
I will stay on mine.
That sounds about right, right?

..Let's BE..

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”
William Shakespeare

I have none of the above.
Why?
I do not seek as much as I am not sought after.


Choice of the matter is clear.

I cannot be what I choose not to be.

Sleeping alone?

What if I woke up one day and there was somebody next to me?

Somebody....herk?

Seriously, I can not imagine that.

The reason being is simple --> I do not share my bed with anyone.

Yes, there were times on occasions WHEN I had to give up the comfort of sleeping solo to accomodate to relatives staying over.
Occasions...very rare occasions.

I mean, the reason to the reason I can not imagine having someone else waking up beside me is that I am afraid of what I might unconciously do during my sleep
i:e slap the person, kick the person in the groin,
or worse--> mistake that person's body for a second mattress....(double the comfort) Muahaha !!

One more thing, I have very sensitive ears. I can hear a needle drop on the floor in my sleep--->EXAGGERATING. Still, If there was any movement, my ears would pick up the sound and there goes my sound sleep down the well--->Again EXAGGERATING.

So, just imagine if the person sleeping next to me deicdes to have a sore throat and cough relentlessly (as if the person has any say in that matter)throughout the night right in my ear?
I can imagine this--->SLEEPLESS BEAST--->ME

*Pause for dramatic effect*

*Still pausing*

The point of my entry today is...there is no point.
It was just a random thought I had and I just felt like putting it down here.


Bahahhahahaha!!
You probaly thought I had something brilliant to say with that kind of opening sentence.
You thought wrong.

Hey, It's my blog.
Why do you care?


Boooo..!!

..hurt A little, HEAL a LOT..

I came across this photo on the net.

It is nothing special, just a gloved hand, a bare hand and a syringe.

I just really like the quote that came with the photo.

"Sometime it hurts a little to heal a lot"

Right now, I guess I am healing.

I made myself realize that there are other good, better things in my life besides those people who take pride in hurting me.

I am fine.

I am not okay with it.

But, I am fine.

I just have to keep telling myself that God wants this to happen to me.

It is His own special way of educating me better in this subject called 'Life'.

Oh, dear God, I am learning...I am.

I tried to see pass the anger and the heartbreak that came along with the 'test'.

I tried and I understood a little.

A little means a lot to me.

There will be more of 'this' coming in the future and most probably with intensified effects and drama.

I guess this is a little preparation God has made for me so that when a worse kind of 'this' happens again, it would not take me off guard or rob me off my spirit.

God wants me to be ready.

Yes, I know 'this' will happen again.

Because you can never truly know people.

1 minute they praise you, the second they just can't stop talking bad about you.

One minute they are your friends, the second they are your enemies.

Yes, as long as there are reproductions, 'this' will happen again.

Funny though.

They can be your enemies.

Then, they are your friends again when they want a favour from you.

Funny, funny, funny.

Have they no self respect?

Have they no shame?

Have they no integrity?

I do not have any kind of respect for these people.

None.

Funnier.

They do not care if they are not right.

It only matters when they are the majority.

It is okay to be wrong.

As long as you are the majority.

Because majority wins over a single unit.

Because then, you get to talk about the victory.

Like Napolean, Like Dictators.

How are these people any different?

Funniest.

One of them, will not have a stand.

One is greedy.

One wants to have all.

The majority and the minority.

Isn't there a term for this 'one'?

Mole, rat, snitch, traitor....Backstabber?

Pick one.

I can't.

God will not bestow on His servant a test she/he can not endure.

Thank you God...I am Healing.

this was me

I wanna be able to do this again, i mean really2 do this.

I am trying hard, really.

Understanding U & I

I know that it happened a while ago. I know there is no use in feeling down about it. I just need to understand. I need to understand...

Am I really that hate worthy? Am I really someone everyone can take for granted?
Am I really that worthless? Am I just someone everyone can use as a scapegoat?
Am I really an easy target?

You..
you can't even look at me in the eye and say it..

You..
you don't know how many people actually cringe even at the mentioning of your name..

You..
you think you are all that, but you REALLY ARE NOT..

You..
you call yourself a friend..? You should be shot to death just for calling yourself a person..

You..
you be happy today for tomorrow may not be so merciful..

You..
you should remember that day, as it may come to you unprepared like it came to me the same way..

You..
you better pray that I get over this soon enough For every day that I am not over this, I pray you and the rest be cursed with the most hideous kind of heartbreak..

You..
you and me..today, WE Are DONE !!

--Quotes for ME--

I have been feeling a little low for a while. Emotions are rapidly at work in my brain right now. Wish i could find an 'off' button for it. Had powerpoint presentation about my study last week. Had to go through that and the preparation with all these mixed feelings in me. Not cool. Haish..
Thank God, everything turned out find in the end-->I meant my presentation. The rest of the drama is not over yet. I know. I know. I know....I should get over it. It's life. Trust me, I am trying. Well, I was sorta trying to find comfort in these trying times. Looked for good quotes on the net and stumbled upon these. They are some of the quotes that I like best.

Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. -- James Russell Lowell

"Old times" never come back and I suppose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better. -- George E. Woodberry

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. -- Author Unknown

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. -- Max Lerner, The Unfinished Country, 1950

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. -- Author Unknown

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. -- Harry Crews

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it. -- Samuel Johnson

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. -- Jan Glidewell

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.-- Author Unknown

The lines in yellow are my favourite ones..they are right, to me, at this moment. They are telling me to grow up. I MUST..I have to be the best for myself. I must be. I must...

Me described from the zodiac point of view...Huh?

LEO WOMAN

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her. She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much. She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman , and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic. She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus.

She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills. She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bugs, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. It's unique quality and times spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

Disclaimer:

1- I can be considered tall. I walk at 1.68 m of height everyday. I don't wear heels. So, no, I don't walk like a queen cuz queens usually wear heels--> they have to, it's compulsory.

2- I do like to be different and wear my own style (though I'm not sure what it is) and am also confident walking in what i wear. I do love expensive stuffs, who doesn't? But, I adore cheap stuffs. I live and breathe in them everyday. You won't find any Louis Vuitton laying around my closet anytime soon. Anytime i get a cheap bargain, say a RM5 shirt, I would be calling my best friend to brag about it simply cuz I get a cool shirt for just RM5. Haha..

3-Ok, I love mingling. Yeah, I have trouble letting people in easily. I learnt the hard way not to do that on a regular basis anymore like I used to back in the days. But, i dont think I am that selective with the people I mingle with. I have friends who've been to jails for drugs, stealing and all sorts of other misconducts---> My mom better not be reading this. Still, I am friends with them cause I know myself better not to follow in their foot steps.

4-I do not think I was born to be a leader. Actually I'd prefer to have a leader in front of me anytime of the day. Being a leader is hard work u know. I do not take that task lighty which is why I would gladly give way to other realiable individual to fill the seat.

5-I do not get mad like a hurricane. I am a very rational person. There has been a lot of ocassions in which I kept my cool where other normal people would blow up. Ask my friends, how many times have they seen me get mad? U can expect long pauses from them.

Huh. well...I do not get the whole zodiac thing. They missed describing my personalities by miles..i guess u really can't categorize people. There are 6 BILLION people in the world. How can you divide them into just 12 groups of characters? Trust me, there are 6 billion type of people on this world today...I'm just one person, one character, one ME.

..Of admiration and youth..

Not doing anything much. I know I have a lot to do. But, right now I can't be doing anything. u know when the adrenaline juice is not flowing. That's what i am in shortage right now. Some adrenaline.
This morning I read a very interesting blog. The author is a female 27 year old english lecturer. Her blog is in BM. She has a very nice way of putting words together to tell her stories. She makes it interesting. It's not very artsy, but very creative. She keeps me reading entry to entry. I wish I had the creativity to write like her. From the first word that she wrote, to the last of every entry, I just had this overwhelming admiration for her. I still have.
And hey, have I mentioned---->I've turned 25. Booohhoooo..!!!
A quater of a century old, FINALLY !!
Heck, I still feel like I'm 17.
Sheesh..People make me feel 17.
Early last month, a salesgirl who was 3 years younger thought i was still in Secondary school.
Is it the face or the way I dress up (which by the way, is not really what people call 'dressing up') when I go out?. hurm...the riddle just continue to surprise.
Oh, not forgetting my mom's friend who thought I just finished SPM after i graduated from UKM in 2006 (I was 22). Well, I looked 17 three years ago. i'm not sure how old i looked when the salesgirl thought I was still in secondary school (probably younger--->Heee!!). But, hey..youth is a good thing. I hope i look 17 forever

Friendly Reminder: I will not succumb to BOTOX in order to achieve that in the future.

Happy Ramadhan and Happy Birthday Malaysia !!!