Forgive Me

Hello.

Forgive me.
Will you?
It is still Eid isn't it?
So, forgive me.
Please..

i have all these words,
to elaborate on my apology.
but the part that matters is always the 'begging part'.
sorry. i do not beg.
I simply seek.
yes, for your forgiveness.

Forgive me,
for not noticing.
Forgive me,
for not seeing.
Forgive me,
for not encouraging.
Forgive me,
for not understanding.
Forgive me,
for not listening.
Forgive me,
for not telling.
Forgive me,
for being too late.
Forgive me,
for trying to forget.
Forgive me,
for failing to do all that..

Also..
Forgive me,
for saying 'congratulations',
because i know you don't need to hear it from me,
somehow, being the selfish retard that i am,
i need to say it,
because,
forgive me one more time,
for i need to move on..

Compromised

There was a ringing in my head.

Loud and almost frightening.

Sometimes it stopped and in a moment resumed.

My head is trying to bear.



Fine.

WHat is bothering me?

Last I checked, I am not easily bothered.

Even the smell of the cat soiling (fresh) greeting me everytime i come home from work does not bother me.

Yes, Nothing quite bothers me as easy.



Nonetheless, this one thing bothers me.

After 25 years of good resistence or should I say, divergence...I have been compromised.

It took so long.


This one thing becomes harder when you know, you can't resist it nor succumb to it.

A battle of the emotions.

Life is all about emoting.

Right?


At the moment, my emotion is not as rich.

I have learned how to make it less 'colourful', if I can say so.


Ok, the butterflies have left.

Me here, just me...with 'ME'.

An attempt at stopping

Why are you looking at me like that?

You are sending me the wrong signal.

This is not an option.
You must not see me this way.
Hiding is not what I do best.

Figuring me out might get easier for you.
If you will not stop stealing glances at me.


Understand this.
You should stay on your side.
I will stay on mine.
That sounds about right, right?

..Let's BE..

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”
William Shakespeare

I have none of the above.
Why?
I do not seek as much as I am not sought after.


Choice of the matter is clear.

I cannot be what I choose not to be.

Sleeping alone?

What if I woke up one day and there was somebody next to me?

Somebody....herk?

Seriously, I can not imagine that.

The reason being is simple --> I do not share my bed with anyone.

Yes, there were times on occasions WHEN I had to give up the comfort of sleeping solo to accomodate to relatives staying over.
Occasions...very rare occasions.

I mean, the reason to the reason I can not imagine having someone else waking up beside me is that I am afraid of what I might unconciously do during my sleep
i:e slap the person, kick the person in the groin,
or worse--> mistake that person's body for a second mattress....(double the comfort) Muahaha !!

One more thing, I have very sensitive ears. I can hear a needle drop on the floor in my sleep--->EXAGGERATING. Still, If there was any movement, my ears would pick up the sound and there goes my sound sleep down the well--->Again EXAGGERATING.

So, just imagine if the person sleeping next to me deicdes to have a sore throat and cough relentlessly (as if the person has any say in that matter)throughout the night right in my ear?
I can imagine this--->SLEEPLESS BEAST--->ME

*Pause for dramatic effect*

*Still pausing*

The point of my entry today is...there is no point.
It was just a random thought I had and I just felt like putting it down here.


Bahahhahahaha!!
You probaly thought I had something brilliant to say with that kind of opening sentence.
You thought wrong.

Hey, It's my blog.
Why do you care?


Boooo..!!

..hurt A little, HEAL a LOT..

I came across this photo on the net.

It is nothing special, just a gloved hand, a bare hand and a syringe.

I just really like the quote that came with the photo.

"Sometime it hurts a little to heal a lot"

Right now, I guess I am healing.

I made myself realize that there are other good, better things in my life besides those people who take pride in hurting me.

I am fine.

I am not okay with it.

But, I am fine.

I just have to keep telling myself that God wants this to happen to me.

It is His own special way of educating me better in this subject called 'Life'.

Oh, dear God, I am learning...I am.

I tried to see pass the anger and the heartbreak that came along with the 'test'.

I tried and I understood a little.

A little means a lot to me.

There will be more of 'this' coming in the future and most probably with intensified effects and drama.

I guess this is a little preparation God has made for me so that when a worse kind of 'this' happens again, it would not take me off guard or rob me off my spirit.

God wants me to be ready.

Yes, I know 'this' will happen again.

Because you can never truly know people.

1 minute they praise you, the second they just can't stop talking bad about you.

One minute they are your friends, the second they are your enemies.

Yes, as long as there are reproductions, 'this' will happen again.

Funny though.

They can be your enemies.

Then, they are your friends again when they want a favour from you.

Funny, funny, funny.

Have they no self respect?

Have they no shame?

Have they no integrity?

I do not have any kind of respect for these people.

None.

Funnier.

They do not care if they are not right.

It only matters when they are the majority.

It is okay to be wrong.

As long as you are the majority.

Because majority wins over a single unit.

Because then, you get to talk about the victory.

Like Napolean, Like Dictators.

How are these people any different?

Funniest.

One of them, will not have a stand.

One is greedy.

One wants to have all.

The majority and the minority.

Isn't there a term for this 'one'?

Mole, rat, snitch, traitor....Backstabber?

Pick one.

I can't.

God will not bestow on His servant a test she/he can not endure.

Thank you God...I am Healing.

this was me

I wanna be able to do this again, i mean really2 do this.

I am trying hard, really.