Leave me be

In the midst of unconformity there is struggle.
I am struggling.

Chaos is a bliss compared to this silent argument i have in my head.
How can I start? I am too afraid even to think I can get out of this.

Someone, save me.

When u feel too scared and helpless, u get scared to do anything about it when really u can do something.

U just have to start.

Oh why, love?
I only see you in other people's shadow.
To even look at you is an error, to dream about you is bearing hope, i know will end in sorrow.

Take a step back, You are almost crossing the line.
This is the point where we will meet every day without it being a crime.

I know. I see it too. It gets clearer every second.
We must not. we can not. we shall not.

I have another war to fight. Let me be.
Leave me be.

It is a start

COld. It shouldn't be this cold so early in the morning.
Breakfast is a null as always with me. Calory burning is always an option i choose to ignore.
SO, no biological heat to warm me through.

Mondays are always mellow. I avoid coming into the office whenever i can, just so i can fool myself into believing the weekend is still on when really it is the start of a new week.
hehehe...how i need to get myself a shrink.

New things have braced my life all of last week. They didn't just appear, I somehow worked my charm and voila ! they were there. Something I've been dying to get my hands on.
Actually, there really was only one thing and the others were merely accessories, necessary ones if i might add. heehee..

This space i have created for myself has been neglected for a while. It does not deserve this kind of treatment. Abandonment is a crime against stable emotional state, and I am guilty without charge.

Oh, how I try to update. Believe, i do. But, there are just so many boring stuffs happening and unworthy of a post in here. Forgive me for I don't wanna sound generic nor cliche. Every fiber of my whole being is so against it, I cringe if I ever read another blog that talks about what they did 2 seconds ago, in the bathroom. I mean, really ?

Ok, enough with me rambling. Need to catch up with work.
It is a start of a new week.
Lets start then.

Honour

COurage is honour.

When someone does something out of the ordinary, courage takes place.

I am not afraid to be different.
I will not be what I know I cannot be.
I will not do something just because it was required of me.

I will not succumb...

For I have courage for my honour.

Imbeciles

I do not understand it.
you have the most hurtful thing to say to a person and you do it via facebook.

to make it better, you don't do it with that person's name written next to the sayings, you make it GENERAL. 'pfff..'

As though everyone you know is as hateful as that person you are obviously describing because you just had a bitter arguement with him/her.

Why won't you just say it to their face?
especially when that person lives with you?
Why do you get all of us involved in this clearly immature, childish, imbecile-like rant on how that person is the most horrible human being ever created by God?

Will it make you feel better?
Because you think you could convey how you really feel to that person in question?
hey dumbo, if the person you are targetting happens to not read anything you write on your FB wall let alone even care about noticing any of your 'public cry for attention' posts, then what purpose would your post serve?

Oh.. I know. You think your fb friends will care.
Oh my. gimme a break. They DON'T.
the just love drama provided free by freaks like you so that they can have fresh juicy gossips to talk about when they have nothing better to do.
Losers like you are their favourite prey. They act like they care just so you spill out more stuffs you know you wouldn't spill on a normal day.
Best yet, they'd probably be laughing at you behind your back, just because they think u freaking deserve it.

Yes, they are fake like that.

Plus, if you're almost a quarter century old, and you still do that, it is just plain LAME.

Grow up.

And it starts

Happy new year.

I will not start with the obvious question of new year's resolutions. I have none.
Resolutions should not be made annually, or so i think. I think. yes. They should be a lifetime worth of effort. Me? i made the mistake of making resolutions every year. Too bad, i feel like a failure every year for not meeting most of the goals I set at the beginnig of each year.

Ok, so. starting this year and so forth I want to be more forgiving.
For the past years, forgiving has not been my most noticeable quality. I hold grudges. Yes. People and the world have not been too kind to me. Unjustice makes me angry. Irrelevance gone unnotice bewilders me. Bias is the word most practiced in action every second of the day.

If I can overcome unjustice, irrelevance and bias, maybe I can be more forgiving.
That also means turning a deaf ear, playing dumb, and succumbing to plain stupidity.

Which is it?

-Ba$tard$-

Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards.

-Louis McMaster Bujold,1999-

I have met many bastards in life and I sure will meet more. Kinda nice to know I'll outlive a bunch of bastards.

-Food for thought, eh?-

The voyage

You don’t just put your trust in somebody, just like that. No. That is like putting your self in the middle of a road during rush hour. Is that really hard to plant in your mind?

Hideous kind of heartbreak, remember that? It is coming. When I said i prayed for it, I wasn’t just saying it. I really did.

How does it feel? Don’t worry. It will pass. The questions, confusions, pain. They all will seem pointless after a while.

Yes, right now it hurts to know betrayal would choose to visit you too. I too, thought it was not possible. I, and now you know we were both wrong.

Very wrong.

That boat you’re on right now, I used to be its captain.

So, trust me on this. This is just another voyage, in a sea of unknown and your next stop is closer than you think. Right now, the storm makes you think you will never make it back to land. But, when your feet actually touch land, you know you will get back on the same boat and sail through the same sea regardless of the bad storm you’ve faced moments before.

You’ll see, it is not so bad after all.