||NaD.a.k.a.DaVillaiNZ||

Leave me be

2011-12-20T14:59:00.003+08:00

In the midst of unconformity there is struggle.
I am struggling.

Chaos is a bliss compared to this silent argument i have in my head.
How can I start? I am too afraid even to think I can get out of this.

Someone, save me.

When u feel too scared and helpless, u get scared to do anything about it when really u can do something.

U just have to start.

Oh why, love?
I only see you in other people's shadow.
To even look at you is an error, to dream about you is bearing hope, i know will end in sorrow.

Take a step back, You are almost crossing the line.
This is the point where we will meet every day without it being a crime.

I know. I see it too. It gets clearer every second.
We must not. we can not. we shall not.

I have another war to fight. Let me be.
Leave me be.

It is a start

2011-12-05T09:26:00.003+08:00

COld. It shouldn't be this cold so early in the morning.
Breakfast is a null as always with me. Calory burning is always an option i choose to ignore.
SO, no biological heat to warm me through.

Mondays are always mellow. I avoid coming into the office whenever i can, just so i can fool myself into believing the weekend is still on when really it is the start of a new week.
hehehe...how i need to get myself a shrink.

New things have braced my life all of last week. They didn't just appear, I somehow worked my charm and voila ! they were there. Something I've been dying to get my hands on.
Actually, there really was only one thing and the others were merely accessories, necessary ones if i might add. heehee..

This space i have created for myself has been neglected for a while. It does not deserve this kind of treatment. Abandonment is a crime against stable emotional state, and I am guilty without charge.

Oh, how I try to update. Believe, i do. But, there are just so many boring stuffs happening and unworthy of a post in here. Forgive me for I don't wanna sound generic nor cliche. Every fiber of my whole being is so against it, I cringe if I ever read another blog that talks about what they did 2 seconds ago, in the bathroom. I mean, really ?

Ok, enough with me rambling. Need to catch up with work.
It is a start of a new week.
Lets start then.

Honour

2011-02-25T10:51:00.003+08:00

COurage is honour.

When someone does something out of the ordinary, courage takes place.

I am not afraid to be different.
I will not be what I know I cannot be.
I will not do something just because it was required of me.

I will not succumb...

For I have courage for my honour.

Imbeciles

2011-02-23T11:32:00.003+08:00

I do not understand it.
you have the most hurtful thing to say to a person and you do it via facebook.

to make it better, you don't do it with that person's name written next to the sayings, you make it GENERAL. 'pfff..'

As though everyone you know is as hateful as that person you are obviously describing because you just had a bitter arguement with him/her.

Why won't you just say it to their face?
especially when that person lives with you?
Why do you get all of us involved in this clearly immature, childish, imbecile-like rant on how that person is the most horrible human being ever created by God?

Will it make you feel better?
Because you think you could convey how you really feel to that person in question?
hey dumbo, if the person you are targetting happens to not read anything you write on your FB wall let alone even care about noticing any of your 'public cry for attention' posts, then what purpose would your post serve?

Oh.. I know. You think your fb friends will care.
Oh my. gimme a break. They DON'T.
the just love drama provided free by freaks like you so that they can have fresh juicy gossips to talk about when they have nothing better to do.
Losers like you are their favourite prey. They act like they care just so you spill out more stuffs you know you wouldn't spill on a normal day.
Best yet, they'd probably be laughing at you behind your back, just because they think u freaking deserve it.

Yes, they are fake like that.

Plus, if you're almost a quarter century old, and you still do that, it is just plain LAME.

Grow up.

And it starts

2011-01-06T11:09:00.002+08:00

Happy new year.

I will not start with the obvious question of new year's resolutions. I have none.
Resolutions should not be made annually, or so i think. I think. yes. They should be a lifetime worth of effort. Me? i made the mistake of making resolutions every year. Too bad, i feel like a failure every year for not meeting most of the goals I set at the beginnig of each year.

Ok, so. starting this year and so forth I want to be more forgiving.
For the past years, forgiving has not been my most noticeable quality. I hold grudges. Yes. People and the world have not been too kind to me. Unjustice makes me angry. Irrelevance gone unnotice bewilders me. Bias is the word most practiced in action every second of the day.

If I can overcome unjustice, irrelevance and bias, maybe I can be more forgiving.
That also means turning a deaf ear, playing dumb, and succumbing to plain stupidity.

Which is it?

-Ba$tard$-

2010-12-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards.

-Louis McMaster Bujold,1999-

I have met many bastards in life and I sure will meet more. Kinda nice to know I'll outlive a bunch of bastards.

-Food for thought, eh?-

The voyage

2010-12-16T14:45:00.000+08:00

You don’t just put your trust in somebody, just like that. No. That is like putting your self in the middle of a road during rush hour. Is that really hard to plant in your mind?

Hideous kind of heartbreak, remember that? It is coming. When I said i prayed for it, I wasn’t just saying it. I really did.

How does it feel? Don’t worry. It will pass. The questions, confusions, pain. They all will seem pointless after a while.

Yes, right now it hurts to know betrayal would choose to visit you too. I too, thought it was not possible. I, and now you know we were both wrong.

Very wrong.

That boat you’re on right now, I used to be its captain.

So, trust me on this. This is just another voyage, in a sea of unknown and your next stop is closer than you think. Right now, the storm makes you think you will never make it back to land. But, when your feet actually touch land, you know you will get back on the same boat and sail through the same sea regardless of the bad storm you’ve faced moments before.

You’ll see, it is not so bad after all.

2010-11-01T11:28:00.002+08:00

Annoyance to the max.

Okay. I was doing my thing, not bugging anyone, except some people, only because i was asking around if they happen to have microsoft office 2007 installer.
My Desktop was reformatted 2 weeks back and everything has to be reinstalled for the desktop to work properly. The computer whiz in my office installed Microsoft Office 2003 in my computer. So, you can guess the annoyance i get when I can't open any form of documents created from the microsoft office 2007 software. My previous work was saved in the '.docx' and '.xlsx' format, meaning no work day for me. ..ha ha, I wish.

Anyway, suddenly my office phone was ringing and i picked up. There was this really uncharacteristically loud voice on the other end greeting me and asking me how my day was going.
Heck. he even asked if I already had my breakfast? seriously WTF??

Can you imagine how the salesperson for telemarketing talks you into buying any of their stuffs and ask you to post in some money for payment? Okay, imagine that times 238.

Damn! he said i was the lucky selected few from F*IM who will get free 2 days and 1 night stay at any hotel in Malaysia which are under the Orient group company. He asked me to spare him 5 minutes from my day and allow him to explain/con me into taking the offer.

Of course there was an underlying term/condition that I have to succumb to in order to materialize that offer (betulkah vocab aku?).

He went on and on about how good their hotels are especially the one in Krabi and Sarawak and Bali. Heck, when will I get the chance to go there? definitely not now or next year. For Sure!
This guy was trying to sell me as though I go to holidays all the time, like I have all the money in the world to do that...Hello!!! Student here. Bengong!

After he went on for about 10 minutes>>>By now,I seriously was on the verge of jumping off a cliff listening to him. ok, memang tipu. mane ade cliff kat sini. he said, you should totally register as our member to enjoy all the benefits I've mentioned just now.
Herk, I have to register? bukan ko kate tadi free ke?

Heiiishhh!!!

I thought there was a catch. So, it appeared that I have to pay an amount of RM568 to enjoy the benefits as well as the FREE 2 DAYS I NIGHT STAY in a deluxe room at any hotels in Malaysia that are under their company group.
DAmn!! I wasted a good 15 minutes listening to him rambling on and on about this 'promotion' that only a few selected lucky people get to enjoy.
TIPU !!!!!!!!!!!

Hehe, anyhoooo...the joke was on him.
While he waited patiently for me to say 'Alright, make me a Member',
I pulled out the phone cord/cable and just hung up.

Huh!!

No babai, no thank you.
Just ......

Effortless

2010-10-28T15:53:00.001+08:00

Thursday. Morning. really...Morning. as in 9.03 am when I started this entry.

This blog is covered in spiderwebs. Metaphorically speaking of course. Blogging has not been on my utmost priorities list for quite sometimes now. No reason. I just didn't know what to write about.
Sure, i've been to places and done a lot this past couple of months, but i never seemed to find the best way to put everything down in writing.
Plus, my writing skill has somehow deteriorated. And, if anyone does read my blog, you would notice that my english is like a complete laughing stock. Way below par--> Am not laughing though.

So, I sorta realized yesterday after a conversation I had on the phone with my boss that I could not effortlessly construct a simple sentence in english the way i was able to. How effortless was I before? Well, constructing a simple english sentence did not include stuttering through out the whole conversation, when me is involved, then. Hurgh!! Really, i do not stutter. The reason I stuttered was because I was rushing my brain to find the word i want to use in the next sentence. And when the time came for me to vocalize the next sentence, i stuttered again because the sentence I anticipated in my head was somehow irrelevant to the conversation prior to the previous feedback from my boss---> hence the stuttering game.

Heck..! suddenly Joe’s “Stutter” song came to mind while I’m writing this.

‘I can tell you're lying
Cause when you're replying
You stutter, stutter, stu-stutter, stutter’

Damn! Don’t be getting any negative ideas. The conversation I had with my boss was lies-free. I don’t need to lie to him. He is a GREAT boss. I adore him...Seriously, he could be my long lost father from another lifetime.  Erk?? Heee..pretend u missed reading that part.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. There’s a theory that i came up with as to why my english is no longer as good as it was before of course when I use the word good here it means in my standard where english is my second language and i do not use it in my daily conversations with people on a regular basis. So, if there’s anybody reading this right now thinking ;

“hek eleh, cam bagus sangat Inggeris die. Even my english is better ONE than hers”

 Serious?? Ape ko ingat ni cerite ONE Malaysia ke ape? Need I say more?
 for those who don’t get it, here’s a hint ......‘MANGLISH’.....

Ekeke, I funny one...Oops! ok, ok.
Again, back to the theory I was about to disclose.
I think the reason why my english is not as fluidly fluent as before is because I do not speak the language as often as I used to.
What a Revelation !!

Back in the days, I spoke a whole lot of english with my school friends everyday. I didn’t get to converse in english at home, so school was the perfect place for me to practice. The fact that i was also in the school’s english debating team helped too. English language was not so foreign to me. It was EffortleSS, should I say.

Hehe, I kid not. There was one time, my teacher asked me to read an essay I submitted for an essay writing competition for the school’s Mother’s/Father’s Day celebration. Actually, there were no entries from the students when the school first asked for essays about our mother/father. Guess what the school did. They asked all the English teachers in our school to give their students homework on writing an essay about our mother/father. Every single person wearing school uniforms in our school had to write an essay about their mother/father. Brilliant, wasn’t it? Hehe, takut kene marah sebenarnye.

So, when the teacher asked me to read it in front of the whole school, you can automatically guess I won the competitionDuh..!
And, no no. The point of this particular part of this entry is not about how I was super-duper–talented-in-essay-writing (little bit only..hehe), but rather about what happened the day of the presentation.

The school invited the entire essay writing competition winners’ father/mother to school to watch their kids read/embarrass themselves in front of the whole school. I was a nervous wreck. Why? My essay was about my mother, about how I love my mother, about how my mother molded me into this not so BeauTifUl, could be more RespONsiBle, un-TaLenTed person. Heck, did I need to parade around about how good of a job my mom was doing where me was concerned? YES!! HAHA..I mean no. But, technically yes. I mean, no. Erk, I’m not sure. What I meant was, I’m sure everybody’s mom is doing their very best when it comes to their children well-being…right?
Plus, I do not wear my heart on the sleeves, which meant going up on stage to ramble on and on about how I love my mother was unimaginable…

As I read my essay on stage, no sound came from the audience. ..My head went “WTF, everyone’s fallen asleep listening to me”. No sound came from the people on stage too. Oh, I forgot to mention, my school principle was sitting on stage along with the vice principle and this big shot called the ‘Director of the district education department’ (mouthful!). Now, can you imagine the pressure I was under? Heck, none! LOL!!!
Nobody made a sound. Good Gosh!! My mouth wished it could speak faster than ever.
I didn’t even look at my mom who was seated at the back of the school hall. ..Yeah, yeah..she was probably wondering why would all these people would want to listen to her daughter yapping about her?  Because they had to. It was a freaking celebration at school.

Finally, the essay came down to its last sentence after what seemed like an eternity. Darn, this part is so like ‘WTF-why-did-I-just-do-that’. At the end of the presentation, I paused to look at the audience and my mom I swear to God, I heard a cricket rolling on the floor laughing somewhere, hysterically. Ehem, ok, no applause. You know what I did? I said “I love you mom. She’s the pretty lady sitting at the back there” while my hand pointing at the back of the school hall like I was giving an acceptance speech at the Grammy’s. ..Damn, I could’ve been a Rock StarIrrelevant to the post.
Hak hak! You know what my mom did? She stood up from her chair and waved back at me while the whole school turned their head trying to locate which lady I was pointing at. Of course they spotted her. She ain’t no tall lady, but when she was the only one standing up waving at the stage, poof !! she was an instant celebrity.
By then, the cricket laughing was just drowned by the sound of hands clapping and people cheering. Dude, if I knew it was that easy I wouldn’t have read the whole damn essay in front of everyone and would just get up the stage and say that one magical sentence.Regrets?hee..I shy.

Afterwards, my mom was invited on to the stage to accept a trophy engraved with the phrase ‘Exemplary Mother’. Sheesshh..did I make my mom proud, huh? Hehehe..
She was stoked, I tell you. I mean, it was one of those few times I think I could clearly see how proud my mom was of me and how she could see how proud I am of her…*tearing up* (n_n) pause for dramatic effect.

Ok, tissues are almost out…(T___T)
Later, when we were treated to some refreshments after the assembly, my mom said that a lady who sat next to her during the ceremony asked her whether she married somebody from overseas i.e: UK/USA? Then that lady and other people who were listening to their conversation asked whether I was born overseas i.e: UK/USA? Then they asked whether I had, by any chance gone to an international school? The answer to all those questions were NO. Then, all of them speculated that everyone in my family speaks English at home. Again, she said no. We speak our mother tongue at homeBahasa Malaysia la wei!!

It was somehow perplexing to them that I was able to speak and write a good essay in english without having any obvious history on how I came to do just that. They said that it was not how I was able to produce a good essay, but rather how I speak the language as though I was a native English speaker.
In short, how come I don’t sound like a Malaysian speaking in English? Erk..i dunno.
I watch MTV a lot..?.hey! they have very interesting vocabularies used in there. Seriously, where else can you hear the word bootylicious, bromance, fugly? RTM 1?

Hehehe, witty me, eh? Anyhooooeeeee…My friend from USA as in a ‘Minah Salehah’ from California once asked me where I learned to speak English? I said “school”.
She then asked “you mean school outside of Malaysia?”
 memangla bangang gak soalan die ni kan. Omputeh ni memang perasan die je la gamaknye bes. Aiseh!! Ingat orang blaja kat Malaysia xle pandai ckp omputeh? Ceitt!!
I said “no”. Aku tak rase cool pun jawab sepatah-sepatah.
And then she said “that’s strange. You don’t sound like you have an accent (she doesn’t consider an American accent as an accent, cause duh! she is one) and when you speak, you don’t sound like any other Malaysians I’ve spoken to”.
Friendly reminder: I do not speak with an American Accent. I do not think so, at the very least. DO I?
Pokak apo minah salehah sorang tu?

Please be reminded; this is not a ‘get in the basket and lift it up yourself’ entry about how ‘mind-blowingly-good’ my English proficiency is. IT IS NOT. I’m sure there is a lot of grammar mistake towards the completion of this entrywhich strikes me: maybe I should get myself a book on improving my grammar. Heck, while I’m on it, a book on vocabulary sounds tempting too. Whenever I go blog-hopping and bumped into a blog where the author’s vocabularies include some of the best bombastic words, me get jealous. Not to mention, when the author use some words I don’t understand me get embarrassed *T_T*

Pardon my French, Moi English needs to sound effortless…again.

Forgive Me

2010-09-29T09:52:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Forgive me.
Will you?
It is still Eid isn't it?
So, forgive me.
Please..

i have all these words,
to elaborate on my apology.
but the part that matters is always the 'begging part'.
sorry. i do not beg.
I simply seek.
yes, for your forgiveness.

Forgive me,
for not noticing.
Forgive me,
for not seeing.
Forgive me,
for not encouraging.
Forgive me,
for not understanding.
Forgive me,
for not listening.
Forgive me,
for not telling.
Forgive me,
for being too late.
Forgive me,
for trying to forget.
Forgive me,
for failing to do all that..

Also..
Forgive me,
for saying 'congratulations',
because i know you don't need to hear it from me,
somehow, being the selfish retard that i am,
i need to say it,
because,
forgive me one more time,
for i need to move on..

Compromised

2010-05-18T16:09:00.005+08:00

There was a ringing in my head.

Loud and almost frightening.

Sometimes it stopped and in a moment resumed.

My head is trying to bear.

Fine.

WHat is bothering me?

Last I checked, I am not easily bothered.

Even the smell of the cat soiling (fresh) greeting me everytime i come home from work does not bother me.

Yes, Nothing quite bothers me as easy.

Nonetheless, this one thing bothers me.

After 25 years of good resistence or should I say, divergence...I have been compromised.

It took so long.

This one thing becomes harder when you know, you can't resist it nor succumb to it.

A battle of the emotions.

Life is all about emoting.

Right?

At the moment, my emotion is not as rich.

I have learned how to make it less 'colourful', if I can say so.

Ok, the butterflies have left.

Me here, just me...with 'ME'.

An attempt at stopping

2010-05-03T09:41:00.003+08:00

Why are you looking at me like that?

You are sending me the wrong signal.

This is not an option.
You must not see me this way.
Hiding is not what I do best.

Figuring me out might get easier for you.
If you will not stop stealing glances at me.

Understand this.
You should stay on your side.
I will stay on mine.
That sounds about right, right?

..Let's BE..

2010-02-03T10:56:00.003+08:00

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”
William Shakespeare

I have none of the above.
Why?
I do not seek as much as I am not sought after.

Choice of the matter is clear.

I cannot be what I choose not to be.

Sleeping alone?

2010-01-27T12:01:00.007+08:00

What if I woke up one day and there was somebody next to me?

Somebody....herk?

Seriously, I can not imagine that.

The reason being is simple --> I do not share my bed with anyone.

Yes, there were times on occasions WHEN I had to give up the comfort of sleeping solo to accomodate to relatives staying over.
Occasions...very rare occasions.

I mean, the reason to the reason I can not imagine having someone else waking up beside me is that I am afraid of what I might unconciously do during my sleep
i:e slap the person, kick the person in the groin,
or worse--> mistake that person's body for a second mattress....(double the comfort) Muahaha !!

One more thing, I have very sensitive ears. I can hear a needle drop on the floor in my sleep--->EXAGGERATING. Still, If there was any movement, my ears would pick up the sound and there goes my sound sleep down the well--->Again EXAGGERATING.

So, just imagine if the person sleeping next to me deicdes to have a sore throat and cough relentlessly (as if the person has any say in that matter)throughout the night right in my ear?
I can imagine this--->SLEEPLESS BEAST--->ME

*Pause for dramatic effect*

*Still pausing*

The point of my entry today is...there is no point.
It was just a random thought I had and I just felt like putting it down here.

Bahahhahahaha!!
You probaly thought I had something brilliant to say with that kind of opening sentence.
You thought wrong.

Hey, It's my blog.
Why do you care?

Boooo..!!

..hurt A little, HEAL a LOT..

2009-12-08T14:33:00.004+08:00

I came across this photo on the net.

It is nothing special, just a gloved hand, a bare hand and a syringe.

I just really like the quote that came with the photo.

"Sometime it hurts a little to heal a lot"

Right now, I guess I am healing.

I made myself realize that there are other good, better things in my life besides those people who take pride in hurting me.

I am fine.

I am not okay with it.

But, I am fine.

I just have to keep telling myself that God wants this to happen to me.

It is His own special way of educating me better in this subject called 'Life'.

Oh, dear God, I am learning...I am.

I tried to see pass the anger and the heartbreak that came along with the 'test'.

I tried and I understood a little.

A little means a lot to me.

There will be more of 'this' coming in the future and most probably with intensified effects and drama.

I guess this is a little preparation God has made for me so that when a worse kind of 'this' happens again, it would not take me off guard or rob me off my spirit.

God wants me to be ready.

Yes, I know 'this' will happen again.

Because you can never truly know people.

1 minute they praise you, the second they just can't stop talking bad about you.

One minute they are your friends, the second they are your enemies.

Yes, as long as there are reproductions, 'this' will happen again.

Funny though.

They can be your enemies.

Then, they are your friends again when they want a favour from you.

Funny, funny, funny.

Have they no self respect?

Have they no shame?

Have they no integrity?

I do not have any kind of respect for these people.

None.

Funnier.

They do not care if they are not right.

It only matters when they are the majority.

It is okay to be wrong.

As long as you are the majority.

Because majority wins over a single unit.

Because then, you get to talk about the victory.

Like Napolean, Like Dictators.

How are these people any different?

Funniest.

One of them, will not have a stand.

One is greedy.

One wants to have all.

The majority and the minority.

Isn't there a term for this 'one'?

Mole, rat, snitch, traitor....Backstabber?

Pick one.

I can't.

God will not bestow on His servant a test she/he can not endure.

Thank you God...I am Healing.

2009-11-24T16:42:00.006+08:00

this was me

I wanna be able to do this again, i mean really2 do this.

I am trying hard, really.

Understanding U & I

2009-10-29T13:42:00.007+08:00

I know that it happened a while ago. I know there is no use in feeling down about it. I just need to understand. I need to understand...

Am I really that hate worthy? Am I really someone everyone can take for granted?
Am I really that worthless? Am I just someone everyone can use as a scapegoat?
Am I really an easy target?

You..
you can't even look at me in the eye and say it..

You..
you don't know how many people actually cringe even at the mentioning of your name..

You..
you think you are all that, but you REALLY ARE NOT..

You..
you call yourself a friend..? You should be shot to death just for calling yourself a person..

You..
you be happy today for tomorrow may not be so merciful..

You..
you should remember that day, as it may come to you unprepared like it came to me the same way..

You..
you better pray that I get over this soon enough For every day that I am not over this, I pray you and the rest be cursed with the most hideous kind of heartbreak..

You..
you and me..today, WE Are DONE !!

--Quotes for ME--

2009-10-06T16:27:00.002+08:00

I have been feeling a little low for a while. Emotions are rapidly at work in my brain right now. Wish i could find an 'off' button for it. Had powerpoint presentation about my study last week. Had to go through that and the preparation with all these mixed feelings in me. Not cool. Haish..
Thank God, everything turned out find in the end-->I meant my presentation. The rest of the drama is not over yet. I know. I know. I know....I should get over it. It's life. Trust me, I am trying. Well, I was sorta trying to find comfort in these trying times. Looked for good quotes on the net and stumbled upon these. They are some of the quotes that I like best.

Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. -- James Russell Lowell

"Old times" never come back and I suppose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better. -- George E. Woodberry

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. -- Author Unknown

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. -- Max Lerner, The Unfinished Country, 1950

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. -- Author Unknown

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. -- Harry Crews

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it. -- Samuel Johnson

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. -- Jan Glidewell

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.-- Author Unknown

The lines in yellow are my favourite ones..they are right, to me, at this moment. They are telling me to grow up. I MUST..I have to be the best for myself. I must be. I must...

Me described from the zodiac point of view...Huh?

2009-09-10T11:47:00.002+08:00

LEO WOMAN

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her. She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much. She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman , and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic. She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus.

She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills. She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bugs, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. It's unique quality and times spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

Disclaimer:

1- I can be considered tall. I walk at 1.68 m of height everyday. I don't wear heels. So, no, I don't walk like a queen cuz queens usually wear heels--> they have to, it's compulsory.

2- I do like to be different and wear my own style (though I'm not sure what it is) and am also confident walking in what i wear. I do love expensive stuffs, who doesn't? But, I adore cheap stuffs. I live and breathe in them everyday. You won't find any Louis Vuitton laying around my closet anytime soon. Anytime i get a cheap bargain, say a RM5 shirt, I would be calling my best friend to brag about it simply cuz I get a cool shirt for just RM5. Haha..

3-Ok, I love mingling. Yeah, I have trouble letting people in easily. I learnt the hard way not to do that on a regular basis anymore like I used to back in the days. But, i dont think I am that selective with the people I mingle with. I have friends who've been to jails for drugs, stealing and all sorts of other misconducts---> My mom better not be reading this. Still, I am friends with them cause I know myself better not to follow in their foot steps.

4-I do not think I was born to be a leader. Actually I'd prefer to have a leader in front of me anytime of the day. Being a leader is hard work u know. I do not take that task lighty which is why I would gladly give way to other realiable individual to fill the seat.

5-I do not get mad like a hurricane. I am a very rational person. There has been a lot of ocassions in which I kept my cool where other normal people would blow up. Ask my friends, how many times have they seen me get mad? U can expect long pauses from them.

Huh. well...I do not get the whole zodiac thing. They missed describing my personalities by miles..i guess u really can't categorize people. There are 6 BILLION people in the world. How can you divide them into just 12 groups of characters? Trust me, there are 6 billion type of people on this world today...I'm just one person, one character, one ME.

..Of admiration and youth..

2009-09-02T10:00:00.003+08:00

Not doing anything much. I know I have a lot to do. But, right now I can't be doing anything. u know when the adrenaline juice is not flowing. That's what i am in shortage right now. Some adrenaline.
This morning I read a very interesting blog. The author is a female 27 year old english lecturer. Her blog is in BM. She has a very nice way of putting words together to tell her stories. She makes it interesting. It's not very artsy, but very creative. She keeps me reading entry to entry. I wish I had the creativity to write like her. From the first word that she wrote, to the last of every entry, I just had this overwhelming admiration for her. I still have.
And hey, have I mentioned---->I've turned 25. Booohhoooo..!!!
A quater of a century old, FINALLY !!
Heck, I still feel like I'm 17.
Sheesh..People make me feel 17.
Early last month, a salesgirl who was 3 years younger thought i was still in Secondary school.
Is it the face or the way I dress up (which by the way, is not really what people call 'dressing up') when I go out?. hurm...the riddle just continue to surprise.
Oh, not forgetting my mom's friend who thought I just finished SPM after i graduated from UKM in 2006 (I was 22). Well, I looked 17 three years ago. i'm not sure how old i looked when the salesgirl thought I was still in secondary school (probably younger--->Heee!!). But, hey..youth is a good thing. I hope i look 17 forever

Friendly Reminder: I will not succumb to BOTOX in order to achieve that in the future.

Happy Ramadhan and Happy Birthday Malaysia !!!

Part 2

2009-07-29T10:24:00.005+08:00

Yeah, first day in the field was covered in Part 1. So, day 2 was interesting as well. I still did not have my entourage set since of course they were scheduled to start working with me on Tuesday. So, that Sunday i went in with the rest of Jessica's troop minus Jessica as she had to make her way back to KL to get things settled with their rented car. They had to return the car because the tyres weren't fit for driving on the dirt road.In exchange, they would rent another car which fit the outdoor environment better. So, they planned to go to plots 11 and 12 which meant splitting themselves up into 2 groups. Since I wanted to finish my work early, I kindly asked them if they could guide me to plots 4 and 6 as these plots were adjacent to 11 and 12. They said yes. Thank God.They were very kind to me. Arnold, MP, and Eli helped a lot in the first two days of my time working in the field. They even helped me carry 3/4 of my working equipments up and down the hill. Very gentleman-like. Matt thought they did it because he told them to (as the bossy ego sipped slowly into his blood with Jessica gone), but i think it was genuinely because they wanted to help me. You know, me being the only girl left in the camp and nobody else was there to help me. They are good, kind-hearted, true Malaysian people. They even helped me set up half of the traps that second day. I am forever grateful for their helpfullness (is this even a real word?). Overall, I managed to finish 4 plots in day 2 with the help of these 4 great individuals. We got back at the camp around 5.30pm which was late when usually we would be back by 3.30 or 4. Back at the camp, people were lazing around as it was a day off for the rest of the camp residents. I didn't care as i was happy as kid in a candy store since i have already finished 5 out of 24 plots in two days which meant I only had 19 more plots to do when the rest of my crew finally gather on Tuesday.
The next day, Monday was the day off for everyone. Me, Mizi, MP, Eli, and Matt made a trip to Jeli like originally planned the day before. Eli had to get a haircut, and the rest of the group had some groceries to buy as well running some other errands. Right after Eli finished getting his haircut, we got back on the car and they told Matt to drive to Tanah Merah because that was the place they said they could get all the supplies they needed for the camp. So, Matt drove but he still thought that he was driving to Jeli although we already made one stop in Jeli. Note to self: Malaysians who don't speak good englsih can still fool an educated american man. Hahahaha....one more thing, that Matt didn't think we have sausages in Malaysia. For God's sake, sausages. I don't have anything against this guy. Don't get me wrong. But, sausages..Jeezz..Give me a break. Later, on the way to Tanah Merah, Matt asked me about my home town. I told him it was only about an hour drive from where we were heading. He said, one hour drive from Jeli is quite near. Poor Matt, I told him that we were no longer in Jeli as we already passed the Jeli/Tanah Merah border. He was shocked of course, but he kept his cool. Hehe, it was simply because he did not want to appear like an idiot being duped by these people he called his workers. But, i think it was pretty funny. Instead, he said we could all go to my house since it would only take us an extra hour on the road. I was excited of course because that meant I could see my mom and dad after what 3 months since i last saw them. I called my mom, and told her we were coming. She was surprised and excited but her voice started to sound a little frantic we she heard i was bringing some colleagues along because she did not have anything prepared at home for us. She sounded more anxious when i told her one of my colleagues is an american. Hurm..She just wanted to be like the best host anytime our house accepts company which was why she did not like accepting company when our house is practically empty. But, eventually my mom said ok. All the boys went nuts when they heard that we were going to my house. I can relate to them as living in the forest for months without real contact with the outside world can be degrading to the spirit.
We drove and drove and arrived at my house an hour and half later. My mom prepared 'Fried Bihun' with Fish Chips as well as Tapioca Chips. It was pretty impressive she managed to finish cooking and preparing the table in less that an hour and a half. My MOM is the bomb...The boys seemed pretty pleased with everything. They ate and ate like they never ate anything like that ever in their life. Matt, he ate like he usually eats. There's always more room for him to put food in his stomach. Man, that boy can really eat. My mom got some mangosteens and Salak for dessert. Everyone finished those too. Wow, my mom liked seeing everyone being happy eating her food. She even packed us some chips for the ride back to the forest.I miss my mom already.
We didn't stay long at my house. We still had to do some grocery shoppings and some errands to run. We said our goodbyes and we were off on the road again. Hurm..What a fun day. It was great to see those boys smiling and enjoying their time at my house. Matt even said mom and da are very cool people. Yeah Matt, my parents are very cool people. Did i mention my mom showed everyone photos of me from two years back? Back when i was u know 'super-healthy'?Huhuhu...Now, they all know how i used to look like. Oh well, it was still a nice day.

Part 3 is coming. It was long journey people..be patient.

Part 1

2009-07-28T15:24:00.004+08:00

My head is a little bit under the weather today. Just came back from my close to two weeks field trip in my study area in Temenggor Forest Reserve in Perak. I had to finish installing 72 traps in 24 ecological plots measuring at 20 m x 80 m each. I got there on Friday night, July 17th and was greeted by Jessica, a girl who was assigned by Dr Matthew Potts to execute all the ecological work he needs done in order for his own study to go smoothly. She offered to share her room with me since we were the only two girls in a sea of men surrounding the base camp. That was very nice of her since I got there with no knowledge of who was who. So, being offered a room and a bed was beyond my expectation. Yeah, the rest of the people in the camp has to sleep in their sleeping bags on the wooden floor of the wooden hut. Don't say that I got special treatment, as i have been there too (sleeping on the wooden floor) and done the same thing. It is safe to say that I got my fair share of experience like everyone else. When I carried my bags to Jess' room, I was introduced to another person of similar origin as Jess, Matt. i didn't get to see clearly how he looked like since it was super dark and the generator lamp didn't provide much assistant to my eye sight. We shook hands and i carried my stuffs inside...huhu..I didn't get to get acquainted with the rest of the camp residents as I went straight to bed right after I got settled in.
The next morning, during breakfast, i was told that the people they hired to help me would only be available on Tuesday morning. Damn, and it was only Saturday. The first thing that struck my mind was "Do u freaking expect me to freaking wait and freaking do nothing for the next 3 freaking days?" And I said 'HELL NOOOOO!!!' which no one could hear of course. But, obviously everyone could see the change my face made when I heard the news. Then, like an angel, Jessica said I could tag along with her group since they were going to one of the plots that I was supposed to go to too. Sweet !! I went and changed into my field my clothes and got my equipments and took a ride with the gang. We went to plot 5 and I managed to install three traps on my own. Cool.

Part 2 is coming..

..CLuELeSs In KePonG..

2009-07-14T10:13:00.004+08:00

So, a more than a month has passed since I last updated my blog. Well, stuffs have happened. I have started driving a combined 110 km per day from and back for three weeks now. I can't say I enjoy driving when u get stuck in traffic jam for an average of 30 minute a day every time u go and come back from work. And, I thought driving to work was supposed to be cool and was a sure sign of independence. Didn't anybody tell us that with Independence comes great pain in the a**?Huh! screw the famous line from SPiderman "With great power comes great responsibility" or something close to that. What Peter's uncle really wanted to say was, "People are gonna start depending on you and whine more about their problems around you when you have the ability to make danger go away in a jiff, so better start looking for covers"...Hehe, that was absolute rambling and a little bit venting out of frustration towards my days I spent here in my new working environment. HAish, How I wish I was back at UKM..the good old days.

Anyway, got a fieldwork coming up this Thursday all the way till I'm not sure when. But, I'm hoping it will be no longer than a week. Damn, I need to finish installing the traps in one week or I'm screwed. Haish..Time constraint is the B*t*h..This is my part of PhD here. What I do there, determines what I get in the future. i can't really ask for real help around here since everybody else is busy doing their things. Man, The environment is not so supportive of the new girl. they probably think since I'm already doing my PhD, I would magically know everything that needs to be done in my not even a month period of attendance here. Heck, i wasn't even taken on a tour of the place and meet the people I need to know. Tell me, Do I really look like a sorcerer's daughter with a magic wand in my hand? Open your eyes people, I'm CLUELESS...

New, new, NeW

2009-06-03T10:17:00.006+08:00

It was noon. The traffic was bearably okay. There we were, me and Kak Sal, in the car, on our way to the---->SALON. Heee....I know right. Me and Salon don't really mix. Hee..But, I was in a desperate need of a haircut. Hadn't let a pair of scissors touch my hair since Jan 1st 2009 which was 6 months ago. I was contemplating about what kind of style I wanted for my new haircut, for about 2 weeks. I wanted the Bob Cut and I also wanted something manageable. And the stylist talked me into doing something less radical if I wanted something manageable. Heee..he was right. So, i settled for something that I would usually go for, which was layered and thinned ends. Huhu..he did a pretty darn good job. It felt like he didn't do anything much, but the result was satisfying/perfection. Okay, saying perfection would be too much a compliment for him, but he did his job great and I walked out of the salon a satisfied customer. Huuu...did I mention, he was cute too. Hee...having a cute guy playing with your hair for 2 hours, would be the experience of a lifetime. Hahaha..nah...I was stretching that too much. He was nice, of course he should be. I was a client. And no, I don't think he was gay. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who are comfortable with their masculinity and not afraid to show their feminine side. This guy for instance, in my opinion was passionate about his work because I think he sees his job as an expression of his appreciation for art. I think his job was the work of art. Seriously, i haven't had my hair looked so damn good in a while. Hee...I'm praising him because I am grateful that he did not mess up my hair like the last hairdresser i went to see for my haircut. Anyway, thanx a lot MAI...My junior who introduced me to this special salon which I'm gonna be a regular client at, from this moment on....

Harsh Reality

2009-06-02T09:48:00.007+08:00

You can have the best talent above everybody else, you can have the most genius of brains, you can be the hardest working person or you can have the purest of heart, but you will always be second to PRETTY PEOPLE. Harsh? That's life. Nothing beats life, my friend. You see, you think this world has changed, but really it has not. I for once thought that if I worked hard, and be nice to people they would treat me as they would treat anybody else. But, no. You think they treat you the same but they don't. They want you to think that way. And we do.
Today, is the day we stop thinking that way. It's time for us to wake up now. the world is unfair. We knew that. But, what bothers me is the fact that the same visually unattractive people who discriminate against their own kind. They treat all these pretty people like they are the Royal family or something. Seriously, to all of the not so attractive people of the world, be realistic. If you are nice to these pretty people, their prettiness is not going to rub off against you. You are not going to be pretty just by treating these pretty people nicely. One other thing, do you not notice that these pretty people take your niceness for granted? They like being the center of attention, so why do you contribute to inflating their ego more? Haish...Wake up!! They don't care about you. All they care about is getting free rides, free stuffs and bottomless compliments from us the 'so not attractive people'. Do you think they want to hang out with us if it was not for something we have which they can benefit from in the future? NO..I don't think so. An believe me, there's a reason why I call these pretty people, PRETTY. Because that's just what they are. Nothing more. It takes a lot more for them to be beautiful. Unattractive people can be beautiful but not pretty, attractive people can be so pretty but ugly. I'd like to quote my friend Ili from he Facebook status:

"I do believe that beauty is only skin deep, the person inside is much more important as it is them who you will be spending the rest of your life with. Beauty is a passing phase in life and even the most beautiful person will become old and no longer beautiful, the true love of their partner will be found out then."

I hope she believes that with all her heart as I do.

May in review

2009-05-28T11:23:00.003+08:00

Ok..I've practically watched pretty much every movie ever screened in May, like 5 movies. Last week alone, i watched 3 movies (Star Trek, Night at the Museum, Monsters vs Aliens). Two movies with my housemate, n one with Niki. Early tis month, I went to watch 'Bohsia: Jangan Pilih Jalan Hitam' which translates 'Bohsia: Don't make the wrong choice' (ngeh..I'm guessing that is the exact translation). The second week I went to watch X-Men Origins:Wolverine. All movies were pretty cool. Yeah yeah, including 'Bohsia'. I admit that i was a little skeptical about the movie. Yeah, I usually go for the entertainment value when I watch a movie and maybe sometimes the idea that the director is trying to convey in the movie. But, with this movie I didn't know which value to go for. I didn't think it was worth paying RM10 to watch this particular movie which I knew I could watch via ASTRO during Raya ala FOC. Get it? Huhuhu..I watched it anyway. It was not that disappointing. What I'm trying to say, it held me interested till the end which was by the way a little bit roughly done. The director (which happens to be at the same age as i am) could polish the ending a lttle bit. Like, maybe he could envision what these morally degraded people could do to be better or what the society could do to help these people. Throughout the movie, the director showed scenes of what these so called 'community trash' do with their lives---> immoral acts leading towards self destruction which by the way we all know what already. So, nothing new there. So maybe, just maybe he could have tried to be deeper and get us to think what we can do to help. Because, it is a national problem. Not just the people involved. Hurm..maybe it's the young age. The director tried I guess.
Night at the museum 2? Well, I am not sure why it hit box office benchmark at its first week screening in USA since the first one was way better than this one. I mean, the comedy was there. They tried, so hard to the point where they forced you to laugh just because they tell the audience 'this should be a funny scene so you'd better laugh eventhough u don't think it's that funny'. Huuu..so NO. I don't understand why it became box office. Maybe it is a family movie, so everybody was relieved they could finally bring their whining children, nephews, nieces, grandchildren to the cinema and watch a movie as families. Haish.. So, lucky for the team i guess. Wolverine, Monsters, and Star Trek are great. Ngeh...i'd watch them again and again and again any day. hehe..well maybe not Monsters vs Aliens because there were too many children watching with us that it felt like we were in a nursery or a daycare. Hahaha...Anyway, the gang planned to go watch Terminator Salvation this Friday. But, maybe not. Maybe we'll go next week. BUMMER...! I was looking forward to watching this movie since ever..Never mind. As long as i get to watch it...

--home after 2 months--

2009-04-29T17:01:00.003+08:00

I'll be going home tonight. Back to my home town. Finding what I think I have forgotten. It will be a well spent weekend with my folks.

An hour 'ish' with a personal trainer

2009-04-09T16:22:00.005+08:00

My arms are sore. I can't actually lift my arms higher than my head. This is torture. Thanx to mr Sean (urm..something..I didn't quite catch his surname) I am now officially incapable of even shampooing my hair properly. Haish....Ok2. How did I get to be in this condition? Good question.
Last Night, I went to the gym. I signed up last month and I finally got to have my free 1 hour personal trainer service (hmmm..that doesn't sound quite right..service). He called me up on Monday to set up an appointment.I had to ask Ina first because we signed up together. We agreed to go on Wednesday for an appointment at 7.30pm. The train was reasonably 'spacious' yesterday, with me getting on the train at 6.45 pm which was way past the rush hour. Anyway, a smooth ride did not guarantee a smooth workout session at the gym. Huuuu..
It was funny though. When this Sean dude called me, I knew he was an Indian guy.When I asked Ina if she preferred male trainers, she jumped and said "Hell YEAH !!". I obviously did not care since I never went through the process before. So, I never made a call to ask for a substitute female trainer. Anyway, we got there, me and Ina. We asked for Sean at the receptionist. Before that, I already saw an Indian guy trainer looking at me and Ina. He was like, hurm...how do I put this nicely----> one trainer that can be good at what he does but not at how he looks. HEHE..that was pretty harsh.I'm being honest. I thought to myself 'it's the knowledge that matters, not who it is from'. HUHU..Me being the positive girl.So, the receptionist announced SEAN's name on the audio system and down came Sean the personal trainer. WAhhh!!! It was not the same dude. It was definitely Sean who is a trainer that can be good at what he does and at how he looks. KEhkehKehkeh..!!
So, he asked both of us to warm up on the treadmill.A good 15 minute run with a speed of 7.5 KmpH on the treadmill is a good warm up people.Thank God I still had the stamina.I thought he was gonna make me run a good half an hour just to torture me and see if I was cut out to actually workout at a gym. Fooh!! I made it through round one.
After the run, we were served with multiple ways of weight liftings with our legs and arms. Man, these people know how to turn your whole body sore.Our appetizers started with knee bending on the machine (I remember none of the machines' names). Up and down my knee went. That was not really bad. The whole lower part of my body was actually pretty strong.
Later, we were introduced to these machines that were supposed to do wonders to your upper body.First machine, I did great. Second machine, i went "Mommy, help ME.." in a very slow voice inside my head that I myself could not hear. I could not finish the second set. I actually left the thing hanging on my head while my arms collapsed on my lap. The only reason that thing did not knock me on my head was because 'dear tough and strong' Sean was only holding it with his left hand--->SHOW OFF!! And then 'dear strong and tough' Sean went to become 'dear sweet and kind' Sean when he said these 'kind' words"Your mind is not strong enough, you can actually do this". Thank you Sean for that motivation. Anybody could still lift a 30 kg box eventhough they can feel their arms breaking like a matchstick. Haiyak...!! All I could manage to say was "YOU are EVIL". This time it was not a small voice in my head. He heard it. I said it with the very little strenght left in me, but he heard it. He just laughed. Right right Sean. Just brush it aside.
And then, from one machine we went to another. I was a little confused. He only taught us how to use two machines to work our legs out and like a gazillion machines to work our upper body out. Is there a discrimination against machines for lower body work out that I don't know about?Hurm..
Later at the changing room, I could not push the key inside the lock of my locker on the first try. My fingers were trembling. My whole arms were. When I was showering, I could not lift my hands high enough to shampoo my hair properly. Ughh. It was not a good shower I tell you. Anyway, he tried to be charming and all very friendly and nice and motivational but he did not get us to book him as our personal trainer. Poor Sean.Huhuhu..Maybe next time. Oh yeah, he sort of made a bet with me. He told me to come look for him a year from now and see if I would look different after working out for a year without a trainer. Well Sean, the bet is ON. See you in a year.Who knows, you might not even recognise me.

..Gone..

2009-04-03T10:56:00.002+08:00

This morning is not the same as every morning I came to love for the past year. Every morning, I come to work and see Niki already at her work station doing her things or chores assigned by Dr Wan. Not today. She was not at her usual place this morning. I did not hear her 'Good Morning Nadi' greet that she always gave me everytime I walk towards her to get to my room. I did not get to say good morning back. She is not here anymore. Haish...Missing her already. I know this is temporary but, it is just not the same anymore.

I am back !!!

2009-03-30T11:37:00.005+08:00

i wasn't here most days of last week. Went to Temenggor-Belum (it's a virgin jungle forest reserve in case u guys are wondering). Spent 2 nights in there, sleeping in a tent or a hut..I'm not sure myself. But, it was acceptable since I thought I was gonna be sleeping on the forest floor like in a scene u see in cowboy movies with the fire and coffee boiling in a kettle hanging from a dead wood. Huish...thank You god..!!
Anyway, it was a nice trip. I got to meet the team and see the study site. Gosh! It was a huge study site, say about 300 hectares. And, yes, my study will cover the whole area. haish...
But, I'm not fussing. It is a nice challenge. Cool...in what sense? I'll figure it out later.
Last week on March 23rd we pulled a prank on Niko. His birthday was later that week on the 26th. We pulled the prank earlier because we knew he would have foreseen the prank and expected it on the night of his birthday. Hehe...we're smarter than you Niko!! For his prank, we gathered a big supporting team with two cops and two of luq's other friends. We planned to catch him performing inappropriate sexual conduct at his place late at night, with yours truly. Haish...no one else was brave enough to do it so, they asked me. I said yes with little hesitations. Anyway, I never seen Niko so stressed and scared all this time i've known him. Hehehe...Needless to say, the prank went pretty well. When the rest of the gang came in with the cake and sang him Happy Birthday, he was sort of touched and tried to hide in the balcony. I don't know how he managed to open the door with his hands cuffed behind, but i guess people do fight to find a way to salvage whatever's left of their dignity. He had to after the urine test the police asked him to do. Wakakaka..I know, the police somehow managed to convince him that he could be charged with possessions of drugs and misuse of cough syrup just because Luq 'mistakenly' left those things lying around Niko's place that night. Super Brilliant huh?
Sorry Niko. You know we love you.
So, that was last week. Yesterday, was Niki's birthday (March 31st). We pulled a prank on her too of course. Remember the saying, No good Deed goes unpunished? Hehe, these people just had to make sure Niki got her fair share of the prank, this time being at the receiving end of the process. We brainstormed a whole night to come up with a great plan as we didn't think we could come up with something that could top what we did to Niko and Luq. Well, we sorta thought what we came up with was good. The material was something that could be worked with more elaborations. We just didn't have enough time as most of the gang weren't around much last week. The whole storyline went like this. We asked (we being Luq and Niko) Dr Wan to join the prank. We asked to give Niki a whole load of work that supposedly must be submitted the day after which we made sure was impossible to do. This was done a day before her birthday. So, SLAM!! tonnes of work a day before your birthday? BUMMER !!! She has this weakness of fearing that she would not be able to please everybody. We worked with that fear. We told her we were going out to celebrate her birthday that night. She didn't wanna say no but she had to finish the 'impossibly hard to finish on time' work given by Dr Wan. We kept pressuring her to finish the work faster so she could be able to go out with us later that night. One more thing about Niki, she can't handle too much pressure. We wanted to get her mad and angry. We got her mad and angry all right. She actually threw a book to make sure we got the message that we should stop pressuring her. Ngeh..!!! Exactly as planned.
In the end, we sang her happy birthday and she blew the candles on the cake. She said "Thanks guys, but I've got to finish this assignment first before we go out to celebrate". We just laughed so hard that tears started rolling down our eyes. She actually thought that Dr Wan gave her the assignment for real. We told her it was part of the prank. She didn't believe us. We told her to give Dr Wan a call. She did. She felt so betrayed because she didn't think Dr Wan would actually agree to be part of the prank. Hehehe...We had to think out of the box Niki.
Hugh...I have written so much that my fingers are actually hurting right now. There's more to this entry. Maybe I'll continue with the rest of the story later. But for now, this is what I am capable of putting down in words. Later people...

Catching up

2009-03-20T09:43:00.003+08:00

I have been pretty busy these past two weeks..Writing scientific journals for my beloved supervisor. I haven't actually had the time to update my blog. Things had happened, people and I was not able to share everything with you readers yet. So, hopefully I'll be the best story teller there ever was, and be able to write everything that i have missed to write in here.

So, on Feb 26th, I planned a prank to get Luq (a very annoying friend of mine) on his birthday. At first, nobody wanted in in the prank cuz it involved taking luq's car away making it look like it was stolen. Hehe, but somehow with the power of God, I managed to convince them that it was doable. Later that night, we executed the plan with no bump on the road at all (none at all, we were very amazed how the whole plan went really smooth). We bought a cake, and waited for him at a local restaurant here with his car as well, of course. We did a little makeover for his car, just to make it more interesting (if u call putting newspaper all over a person's car interesting..Ngeh!!). Luq came over the restaurant way later than planned (somehow he managed to get the whole neighbourhood concerned with his missing car---> the friendly neighbourhood luq...haish !!) thinking that we planned a surprise party for him cuz we sang happy birthday and asked him to blow the candles (at this point, he still didn't have the slightest clue that his car was right behind the restaurant, thanx to us of course). He said he was touched by our gesture, u know remembering his birthday and bla bla bla...He said, he wanted to be very happy but, his car was missing. Hehe...HOMERUN !!!
So, all through out dinner and cake eating, we asked him how his car went missing, out of courtesy. He got all these theories about how his car could have been stolen. He said, he probably left the keys in the car and the god forsaken thief took the easy opportunity without looking back twice. He blamed himself that he made it so easy for the thief. Huhu..SCORED !!! That's exactly what we wanted him to think. the truth is, he did lock his car and kept the keys in his bag. We sent niko into his house to get the keys and divert his attention. Huhu, didn't know he could be forgetful---> I guess when u face that kind of situation, the easiest way is to believe the worst or the clumsiest act.
As the night progressed, we planned (with luq) to go sing karaoke in Kajang. But, first he needed to lodge a police report about his missing car. I know. Why didn't he go do that first before coming to the restaurant. Apparently, friends who planned your surprise birthday party come first. He still had no idea the car was right behind the restaurant at this point. Before we left the restaurant, we asked him to come with us to go to our car that was supposedly was parked at the back of the restaurant. We said that we had a present for him in the car and that it was too heavy for us to carry it over to him.

We went to the back of the restaurant. He saw the car. We were already laughing inside when he laid his eyes on the car. Do u guys know the first thing he said when he saw the car? " This is the car i was telling u guys about. It looks just like my car from a far. But, seriously why would anyone cover a car with shredded newspaper?" The rest of us were like, 'Dude !!! that is your car!!' Haish..so he went over to the back of the car (his car) and saw the license plate number. BAM !!! it matched his license plate number. He said " EH, this is my car. How did it..?"
We just couldn't hold it in anymore. The rest of the gang just started laughing our heads off. It took him about 10 seconds to process the whole synchronize laughing and finally got it. He was PRANKED by US !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..!!!!

He got mad, and started taking all the shredded newspaper, turned them into wet newspaper balls (it was raining that night) and threw them at us. His throws were mostly accurate hitting Hadi, me , Niki, Ina, Rina and Niko. That wasn't enough. He made sure every got a taste of his fist on their backs. It hurt.

He was amazed how we managed to pull it off. How we got him convinced that his car was really stolen. Well, that was all thanx to Niko. He was the psycho assigned to mess with Luq's head. hehehe...Sorry Luq, we're all in our 20's now. Egg throwing and prank calls are so last century. We had to raise up the bar a little. At least, we will always have this with us for the rest of our lives. Later u can tell your grandchildren a story that starts with "It was a night when I thought my car was stolen" Hehehe..

QUirks and Facts

2009-03-06T09:44:00.002+08:00

share 7 facts about yourself on your blog
tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
tagged 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as link to their blogs
link the person who tagged you

7 facts about me:

I am a GIRL

I ride a scooter to school/work

I love chocolate

I have three two big bros and 1 little bro (not so little now)

Sometimes my mom thinks she gave birth to 4 boys

I like watching Ugly Betty (it's funny!!)

I've never kissed a horse before (it's a fact..hehe)

unspectacular quirks of mine:

I like watching Hindi movies sometimes..(ngeh..!)

I sometimes miss showering in the morning (when the alarm goes silent..and i have a about another 5 seconds to be at the lab)

I hate being on a diet (although I seriously have to)

I like putting off work until the very last minute..

I get really agitated with stupid people who think they're right all the time eventhough the whole world knows he/she is wrong

I don't really put much attention into being beautiful and attracting guys..(I just don't get the whole idea)

I think I have no idea why I think I must do this tag..(hehehe..because if I don't, I'll never get tagged again?..heee)

there...quirks and facts of mine..ENJOY..!!

--A drop in the ocean--

2009-02-25T16:02:00.004+08:00

This is a song i stumbled upon while looking for another video of my current infatuation (blushing..!) on utube..
I think it's a beautiful song with a very good vocal..
I never knew about this singer/songwriter/composer
But, he is very good...Awesome.!!
So, take a listen..feel the song..
Oh, yeah..the lyrics is provided here so u guys could actually understand what the song is about

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
Its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert
But i'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

I dont wanna waste the weekend
If you dont love me, pretend a few more hours, then its time to go
As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm
Its too late to cry
To broken to move on
And still i cant let you be
Most nights i hardly sleep
Don't take what you dont need from me

Its just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
Its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert
But i'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

Misplaced trust and old friends
Never counting regrets
But a grace of god i do not rest at all
In new England as the leaves change
The last excuse ill claim, i was a boy who loved a women like a little girl
And still i cant let you be
Most nights i hardly sleep
Dont take what you dont need from me

Its just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
Its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert
But i'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my,

Heaven doesnt seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesnt seem far away
Heaven doesnt seem far away anymore no no
Heaven doesnt seem far away

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
Its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert
But i'm holding you closer than most,
Cause you are my heaven.

You are my heaven

--Good times--

2009-02-24T14:33:00.003+08:00

Huaaahahahahha....Starting with a laugh..!!
Creepy..hehe..
Yesterday, was like any other first day of the week but with a lovely yet fun ending. Okay, it was not at the end of the day, more like towards the third quarter of the day.
Me, Nikki, Niko, and Rina went to Secret Recipe to meet En Shamsul for his post birthday party.Hehe..(His birthday was on the 18th of Feb). The plan was to meet there at 5.30, but it dragged on to 6.30 (Malaysians..Haish!)..So, we got there and saw En Shamsul (the birthday boy) waiting while typing on his laptop. Huhu, we were late. SO was he. But, niki n niko were the last ones to arrive (10 minutes after me and Rina arrived).
Then, it was ordering time. Boy, these people definitely ordered FOOD..Hehe..I got myself a plate of spaghetti with meatballs (YUMMY !!!) and a slice of chocolate indulgence with iced white chocolate coffee..There rest of the gang ordered chicken except for En Shamsul who ordered seafood pasta which looked rather nice. Nikki ordered a slice of chocolate banana which according to En Shamsul is a traditional pick by nikki (Banana and cake---Get it?)..We didn't care much since all the food tasted so good. Lovely evening.
Oh yeah, We got En shamsul a nice dark blue / black T-shirt which we bought at Nicole's. It was a cool t-shirt. He accepted it sheepishly. I'm guessing he never really had too much presents given to him previously. But, we were happy to see the look on his face when he got it. Fooh..!!
We had a pretty hard time selecting the best one that would suit his taste and style. Does he have a style (kidding..!!) hehehehe...
For me, i had a great time eating and chatting with friends. Did I mention, a day earlier I went to eat at Manhattan Fish Market with my housemate. Wow, it has been a weekend of bondings..Hehehe..

Tag from Belle

2009-02-19T12:17:00.002+08:00

It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag ten people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real - nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Nadia Binti Che Idris

2. A four Letter Word : Nice

3. A boy's Name : Norman

4. A girl's Name : Nadine

5. An occupation : Newscaster

6. A color : Neon

7. Something you'll wear : Necklace

9. A food : Noodles

10. Something found in the bathroom : Nail clipper

11. A place : Narathiwat

12. A reason for being late : Napping

13. Something you'd shout : Ngoksss..!!

14. A movie title : Narnia

15. Something you drink : Neslo

16. A musical group : New Boyz..(muahhahahaha)

17. An animal : Naga

18. A street name : Nik Ahmed Kamil (UKM)

19. A type of car : Neo

20. The title of a song : Now or never

The singing competition

2009-02-17T09:45:00.003+08:00

Some time ago, I was in my teen years. Well, not exactly teen. I was still a kid. I was 11 years old if I can remember correctly (getting older has its weakness in the memory department). It was primary school and I was in standard 5. School was fun and filled with activities. I was one of those kids who teachers would push in front of the others to participate in all those activities. Any activities which involve speaking in front of a large crowd would involve me (like automatically). Story telling both in english and BM (they tried making me tell a story in arabic once-->didn't go quite so well), public speaking (or elocution, they used to call it?), and debating (this part flourished more in secondary school). You guys can imagine how the teachers actually pick one student out of the lot to represent the class. Actually, there were a lot of talented kids in my class. My class was one of the top classes in our batch. The teachers usually sent more than one class representatives for any competition which our class would usually bag all the top spots (number 1,2,3). Hehe, not to brag, but I was among the top students of every field in school. We covered the talented part. Well, the nerd or the brainy ones were in our class too. Not to mention the ones with the magic hands (artsy people) were also in our class. Somehow, It would be weird if there was one thing our class didn't have which was none. Hehehehee....

Anyhow, of all the competitions I participated in, there was one in particular that I remember most. The singing competition. Yeah, I know. Those people who know me now would go berserk reading this. I don't sing. But, somehow back in primary school the teachers said I could sing. Well, my music teacher overheard me singing a song by Ning Baizura (I can't remember the title) during choir practice and she said "You are going to be a singer one day". I was embarrassed of course! I didn't think anybody could hear me because I was obviously just singing to myself. Hehe..So, there was a singing competition coming up. Actually it was a talent show at our school. There was a category for acting, one for singing, one for dancing, and one for fashion show. Huhu, one of my friends wanted to be in the competition so badly but was afraid to do it alone. SO, me the good friend said "ok, lets form a group then".

It wasn't hard to find another girl with the same vision (too afraid to do it alone too) in a short time. There were three of us. We called our selves 'D Girls'. Don't ask me what the D stand for. We were 11 for God's sake! We thought that that name would sound cool. We practiced and practiced. Everyday. Seriously, Everyday after school. We had our dance routines, our melody figured out, and the gimic of course. GImic was big during my days as a kid. Hehe..

So, the day of the competition came. We sang and danced and did our gimic. It was awesome. We felt good about our performance. The crowd loved it (with the gimic, how couldn't they?). They gave us a big applause and cheered for more. We thought we got in our bags already. If we didn't get first place, surely second place wouldn't go to someone more deserving than us. So, we thought. hurm..We were wrong.

We didn't win at all. Not even third place. Weird. We did everything right. We sang, we danced and there was the gimic. Everybody loved the gimic. How could we not win? There must be some kind of mistake we thought. The people who won didn't have any gimic engineered during their performances. Well, we saw our music teacher later that day. She said, it was a singing competition not a dance or gimic competition. So, the person who sang the best, won. Haish, so much for being in the class that had all the talent the school could find. Well, that day we knew we didn't have one who could sing. (n_n)

2009-02-13T10:30:00.002+08:00

Ye..terime kasih saye ucapkan kepade puan Belle kerane sudi menyampaikan anugerah ini kepade saye. Semoga dengan kehadiran anugerah ini, Blog saye akan trus maju lagi di masa hadapan..Ini untuk SEMUA !! tERIMA kASIH..!!

My award

2009-02-12T11:24:00.001+08:00

Thanx Belle...
I really appreciate it..
Hope for more awards from you..
=p

Relocating/FRIM/Research

2009-02-06T11:14:00.002+08:00

It's 11.14 am now..Just got back in my room after talking for about 5 minutes with my supervisor and a FRIM Research Officer. So..Good News (really?) haish...I got to join the FRIM team for my research project. Aiyak,....I kinda was hoping for that..Now, I wish for something else... Well, Being accepted in the project means having have to be in FRIM which by the way is all the way in Kepong (I live in Bangi-->5 mins to UKM)..Now Kepong is like a good 45 mins drive from Bangi and I don't have a car...haiyak..!! Alhamdulilah..But, does this mean I have to relocate (meaning move my things and my whole life here?) my address? Aiyak...Damn, I keep saying that a lot..

Well, i'm sure there's a good way around this. I just have to keep a positive mind and be strong. I am a fighter. Having to relocate shouldn't scare me at all...Now, I just have to make a list of things to do before moving and things to have before moving. Aiyak..And I have just enrolled in that 'program' here in Bangi. Haish...So much for being smart ..Ya Allah, please help your humble servant through this glorious/confusing time...Amin..

-hoLiDaYs-

2009-02-02T10:36:00.003+08:00

Haven't been able to write anything or something meningful (meningful, yeah rite..!) for I was away..As in not available, not around, not present to post any (meaningful) blogs..hehehe..

2 weeks back I went home for the holiday (CNY). Stayed home for almost a week. Didn't do much at home except lazed around, watched tv (i don't really get good tv action here), ate mom's great food, spent hours talking to my parents, played with my nephew and niece, attended an old friend's CNY open house, went to a family get together at my gran's house and oh, my mom made steamboat during my last day at home----> FANTASTIC !!!

wOW, i I actully did quite a number of socializings besides being totally unproductive the whole time I was home. heheh...

Hurm..I wanted this post to be different in a way that it would sound meaningful so that when u guys read it, you would actually get something out of it. Now, I'm not so sure. Okay..

I love holidays. Really do. Not because I get to laze around, watch tv, sleep all day or just like i said be totally unproductive. NO. It's not that (well maybe just a little bit-->HEHE).
I love holidays because I get to go home and be with my family. I'm a PhD student which means I don't get to go home much often than i used to when I was just an undergarduate. Long holidays don't come along all the time for us PhD students. Yeah, they have mid-semester breaks and final semester breaks, but we don't get to utilise that priviledge anymore. Our lives are now more confined to the Lab environment-->Doing research and all those smart things you see scientists do on Films (HEHE..). So, that's the point of holidays for me. Holidays mean family time.

Besides, I'm 25 this year while my parents are 56 and 55. We are not getting any younger. Each second passing is valuable. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. SO, for me, I'll take every chance I get to spend with my mom and dad. After all, they made the person that I am today. They are my life. So, if spending a little time with them means having that extra quality time with your 'LIFE' why not grab it?

..AN Award from Her..

2009-01-30T15:57:00.003+08:00

thanx Belle for the award..hehehe..seems like I keep getting awards from the same person--> good FRIENDS are hard to find..

Tag from Belle

2009-01-21T13:03:00.002+08:00

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names.

Starting time: 1.04 pm

Name: Nadia Binti Che Idris

Sisters: Siti Syazwani Abd Rasid (She's my cousin who lives with me actually)

Brothers: Ideal, Iffie, Azam

Height: 168cm

Shoe size: 8/9--depends on the brands

Where do you live: Now? Bangi

Favourite drinks: Sky Juice..hehe

Favourite breakfast: Oatmeal...(Yawn..)

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yeah..

Swam in the ocean: Yeah..

Fallen asleep at school: I tried very hard not to..hehe

Broken someone's heart: Nope..I think..

Fell off your chair: One 'very good' frined of mine pulled the chair right b4 my ass was aboout to touch the chair..Go figure..

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Nope..I like watching tv.

Saved e-mails: Yeah..

What is your room like: comfortable..

What's right beside you: The mouse..

What is the last thing you ate: Hurm..lunch (Squid, chicken, pucuk paku..

Ever had chicken pox: Yeah...

Sore throat: I'm human..OF COURSE..

Stitches: Never..

Broken nose: Still intact..

Do you believe in love at first sight: Never been had one..

Like picnics: Sure..the outdoor rocks..!

Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: YAN n MAI...

Last who made you smile: NIKI..

You last yelled at: Nio and Luq...(It's hard to pick one-->I yell at both of them all the time)

Today, did you:

Talk to someone you like: Hurm..There's no one I hate rite now..so, Yeah..

Kiss anyone: Nope..

Get sick: nope..

Talk to an ex: No ex..haish..

Miss someone: My parents..

Eat: Yeah

Best feeling in the world: Trouble free..Huhuu...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Nope...I'll suffocate

What's under your bed: Bed at home--> Boxes..

Who do you really hate: Nobody...(I'm not sure bout tis one..)

Random:

Is there a person who is on your mind now: No..(I'm thinking bout some show tickets)

Do you have any siblings: 4 people..(Small family huh..?)

Do you want children: People reproduce you know..

Do you smile often: Yeah...Smile and the world will smile with you

Do you like your hand-writing: I wish it was better..(really..!)

Are your toe nails painted: nope..

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: I like my bed..

What color shirt are you wearing now: black..

What were you doing at 7:00 p.m: At home..lounging on my bed..

Are you a friendly person?: Probably...I've been told so..

Do you have any pets: I wish I had a cat or a rabbit

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: He doesn't exist rite now..

Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?: I keep my hands to myself..

Do you sleep with the TV on?: Nope..(Waste of electricity)

What are you doing right now?: answering the tag n talking to rina n niki..

Have you ever crawled through a window?: Yeah..

Can you handle the truth?: YES..

Are you too forgiving?: No..I hold grudges too..

Are you closer to your mother or father?: YES...

Who was the last person you cried in front of?: Kak wani kot..

How many people can you say you've really loved?: Less than 5..

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: Nope...

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: YES..

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Rite now...Yan..

Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: Quiet...

Are you confident?: Sure..

5 snacks I enjoy:
~chocolate
~biscuits
~ice cream
~cake
~Taufu Fa...hehe

5 of my bad habits:
~Forgetful
~'Suke tangguh'
~short tempered-sometimes
~

5 places I have lived in (or WILL live in):
~My home in KB
~My Home in Johor
~KMPP hostel
~KDO,UKM
~FASA 1..

5 jobs I've had:
~Intern at KUB KB
~Internship at Jabatan Pertanian Kelantan
~Environmental Consultant

5 people i wanna tag:

..A GathErIng of Old FrIEnds..

2009-01-19T14:47:00.006+08:00

Saturday came last weekend as on any other weekend. But this saturday was not like any other Saturday on any other weekend. Last Saturday was memorable, is how I should put it. We planned last Saturday 2 weeks earlier, so of course it was memorable (marked my calendar).

I went to attend a gathering of old schoolmates in Ampang (1 of my schoolmates' house-->she just got married last dec). It was so nice to see everybody (not like everybody since there were only 10 of us who attended) especially with their new appearences it was amazing I could still recognize them. They weren't really into make-ups and dressy outfits back when we were still in high school (8 years ago) that it made me look twice to make sure that they were who they really were. Still, the tansformation was not that drastic.

We had a 'Pot Luck' gathering. Everybody chipped in with food and drinks. Our host, 'Mc De' took out her electric grill and made some mad bbq chicken!! I can still taste the bbq sauce on my tongue rite now. My friends (Jehey, Jitt, Ong) were put in charge of the grilling. They did a great job (minus some grilled above perfection chicken and sausages--courtesy of Ong). Hehe..still it was a nice bbq afternoon. It wasn't really in the afternoon. Check the pic above--> It was way after 5 o'clock (which explains the early food tasting...Hehe-->we were superbly hungry!!). There was also some spaghetti made by Jitt. She was worried that her spaghetti sauce was gonna get us some food poisoning since it was a little bit sour than usualy. I am still surviving with only nice memories of that fine spaghetti. I was in charge of frying the fries (easy you might think until you have to wait by the stove to make sure that the fries are really fried which took forever..Huh!). Jehey brough her famous kiwi pudding (not sure if that is the actual term for that dish) while Kak Ya made potato salad which she thought was not gonna be enough for us all---She brought a huge food container full of potato salad (we all had our fair share of potato salad that night). So, our menu consisted of Bbq chicken/sausage, sapghetti, potato salad, Kiwi pudding, and Fries. Huhu, we had enough food to feed a small army. We didn't think all of that was going to be sufficient--->We were wrong. We still had leftovers after the night ended. hehehehe..After all, we weren't armies. Just a bunch of a quater century old girls.

We ate and drink (this part satarted late since we waited for others who supossedly were coming-->they didn't) while talking and laughing our heads off at the funny jokes/stories. We got to experience our friends' culinary skill first hand (this is very interesting since most of us didn't know if what we made was edible or not..hehe) and just let loose. It was a nice, small and intimate gathering of old friends. We missed being young school kids again..(really? I actually enjoy being what I am rite now..hikhik)..Anyway, it was so nice !!

Oh, did I mention the photography session? This was the part where I knew we were still silly school kids who rushed at being in front of the crowd to get the best spot in the photo. Hurm, not to mention the goofy faces and poses we made for the camera (GOOFY!!..Really..).Hehe, I realised that day I missed my school and my class back in high school. Wished there were many people who attended. But, of course we're grown-ups now which means there are other important commitments waiting for us.
Missing them already..wish We wouldn't grow up so fast..

Song Inspired

2009-01-15T09:33:00.005+08:00

Just had my breakfast, a mug of instant 'nescafe breakfast' and a pack of 'iko' multigrain biscuits. Now listening to Switchfoot's 'Learning to breath'. Nica catchy song that I can relate to. The lyrics' about starting fresh. Huhu, what a way to start the morning. Even in the first verse it says:

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

See, all of us have something we want to forget but never could. Everyday, it's the same thing. You wake up, you go about your daily routines and at some point your regrets come to surface and all attempt to forget them is crushed. So much for starting fresh huh? But that's not the song is about. The meaning goes so much deeper. We are human. We are bound to slip somewhere, sometime, somehow everyday. That's how GOD created us to be. We just have to do it slowly and hope that HE is beside us every step of the way. The chorus says that part clearly:

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Life is beautiful isn't it? We don't know what's gonna happen or what to expect. If we did expect something and the outcome was another WAY round--->SURPRISE !!! Like a box of chocolates. Who doesn't like surprises? ME (Good ones are not that bad though, like chocolates..hehe). Nevertheless, hurtful surprises could be more than just surprises as they would leave you bruised and scarred for life hence come regrets. The 3rd verse described this part of life quite straightforwardly..

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

Haha, I'm kinda of a critique/song-interpreter this morning. Don't get me wrong. This blogging thing is turning me into someone mellow, deep and more aware of emotion-evoking songs. Haha, not even sure if that's what I'm gonna be for the rest of my life. But, if so-->It wouldn't be so bad, right?

Huh, I pray to Allah that whoever I turn out to be in the future, I would be someone who doesn't disappoint my parents, my religion, my country, and mostly myself. Can anybody stand living everyday not liking who they are?

Ok, the whole point of this blog is to remind myself and the rest of you reading this, (not that it's my job to remind you ppl of how you should live your life) that life is there for us to fully live it either in bad or good circumstances. It is a commitment. Don't find a way to run from it (is there anyway we can run from it?) instead take baby steps when you find that one particular day is too much for you to handle. In my case, it helps to think that there's always tomorrow. . . And there are other ppl out there who have it much tougher than you do. Don't you think?

..SigNiFicAnt....

2009-01-14T15:30:00.003+08:00

I have not much to write today. I'm trying to remember if anything significant happened to me yesterday. Hurm..(there should be at least one..if not, my life yesterday was spent in vain)..Ok, I've got one.

Last nite I went out with my housemate (Sis Sal) to Alamanda, Putrajaya. She drove (of course)and I hitchhiked (kidding..Hehe). She went bowling with her friends while I spent my time strolling around Alamanda, starting from the Big Apple (the doughnut outlet in which I gobbled down 6 different doughnuts...Whew!!) and ended in MPH (until they switched off the lights indicating that they were closing). Later, I went to buy myself a bottle water from Carrefour. I wanted a plastic bag to carry my socks (brought them along coz my first idea was to go bowling as well-->cancelled). Yawn yawn..(Getting to the significant part already..) Patience is a virtue!

The significant part came later when we were in the car on our way back to our place. We started talking about life changing experiences. Sis Sal, being older than me has many(she'll be thirty sometime in November I guess--oO0ps! not supposed to reveal the age (n_n)). Anyway, one of the topics was how people change in a split second and never go back to being their old selves. It was more about 'You think you know people but you actually DON'T'. We think that we know our friends, but trust me we don't. There are parts of themselves that they keep to themselves and are really careful about keeping them private permanently. Sis Sal said, people think they know that for a fact but they don't until they really experience it themselves. Obviously, we both have experienced it to be able to talk about it. BOth of our experiences didn't have happy ending of course (If any of you reading this had had a happy ending from the same kind of experience, lemme know ok?).

We both thought that being a loner is an acquired special skill that not any mere normal people will get to enjoy their whole life. Not everyone can handle being lonely (Seriously, check out the asylum if u don't believe me). Nobody wants to be lonely (remember the song?. But, we think that it is better to be lonely than be around fake, backstabbing, two-face, selfish people who claim to be your friends just for the sake of being around people (not lonely). I can say for a fact that we will feel much lonelier being around these kinds of people than just being plain lonely. It is not as sad. Trust me. You'll know what to do to occupy yourself. In short, you don't have to be interacting with somebody in order to feel whole. Quoting from the ever brilliant, inspiring 'The Fray', from their song You Found Me:

'In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me'

Spot on isn't it? They probably have experienced the same thing. So, be comfortable with being lonely. As i said, it is an acquired skill. Work on it. It'll serve you well in the future.

TRUST ME...

My first AWARD..aWEsoMe!!

2009-01-13T11:17:00.004+08:00

Hehe..I got an AWARD..yAY!!
i Dunno,..well urm,..I'm speechless..
I would like to thank my mom, my dad, my brothers,
My sisters in law, my cousins, my long lost pets,my
neighbours and..gosh..I am forgetting a lot of people..
I know, I'm sorry..I'll get you guys on the list later for the
next award that I'm getting..Geez..Hehehe..Kidding Belle..Hahaha..

Actually, thanks from the bottom of my heart that u thought of me
when u received this award. I can not be more touched than this (I think..?). Well, I dunno if I'm really worthy of this award coz I know a whole lot of other people out there with the same compassion and love that this award describes in its colourful little box...I am not sure if I have the right capacity to be as close as to that loving commitment in the near future or EVER for that matter. hehehe..But still it was so nice of you..!!

..So, Monday came..

2009-01-12T09:37:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was Saturday. Today was Sunday. Was? It still is Sunday, for another 2 and a half hour. I am in my room reading a journal. A scientific journal on climate change, to be precise. I know, I know..How can anybody read that on a Sunday night? Apparently I can, only because tomorrow I need to go see my beloved research supervisor for ..I’m not sure what. I figured, I might as well have something prepared since he will for sure prod and be all lecturer-like with me concerning my research (He should be, since I haven’t actually done anything major with my research. Just some minor readings and notes). Actually, that is the reason why I need to go see him in the first place. I need to know what direction he wants my research to be on. This is practically something new in Malaysia. I for one am not sure what I have to do to get started with this research. I need all the help I can get especially his help. I don’t know. Somehow, I feel like he’s been trying to avoid me or something. Not that he doesn’t want to see me or anything like that. It’s just that I feel like he’d rather if I didn’t go see him that often. He once said that a PhD student should be more independent and lees dependent on the supervisor. I guess he was right with some exceptions. First, if I a PhD student should be less dependent on my supervisor, would I need a supervisor in the first place? Second, he said it himself that this is sort of a new field of study in Malaysia so, is he really sure that I can be fully independent doing this research on my own? Haishh…(sighing with really heavy air blowing from my mouth).

Well, it’s time for me to take action. He could be mad at me and torture me and maybe threaten me (as in end my GRA-ship with him), I am going to see him. I need to know what he wants me to do. I really need to know since I’ve pretty much wasted my first semester doing almost nothing. I need to get started on everything that matters the most to me now-->My FUTURE, my LIFE, my STUDIES…

U guys know when I post this it will already be a Monday. So, it’s only seconds away before I go see him and have that moment of truth (exaggerating?). Ya Allah, Tolonglah hambamu yang lemah dan tidak berdaya dan buntu ini…Amin…Bismillahirahmannirahim..Wish me luck guys..!

Once in A Blue moon

2009-01-09T11:32:00.002+08:00

The title sounds romantic right? Hehehe..It's really not what U think..
SO, this morning which was like 9.15 am this morning we went to this really so called famous eating place called "Kak Mah Nasi Dagang Putrajaya". It is not an unusual eating place or anything, just that it has a very high mouth to mouth reputation about the food served there which in this case--NASI DAGANG (Duh..!).

We've been planning to go there since forever (U know, like everytime u drive pass there U'd write a mental note saying 'I should really try the food out here.Everybody's been raving about how good the food here tastes.'). It's like you'd really feel left out if U fail to at least go try the drinks there (nothing out of the ordinary bout the drinks here too..).

So, we went (We= me, niki, mas, rina). We got there, and then we saw all these cars parked along the road beside the 'restaurant'. We had to make a U-Turn before we could actually find a nice parking spot near it. From inside the car, we couldn't see any available seating places for us to eat at and we thought 'Bummer..! Now, what do we do?'. Obviously we didn't want takeaways since it was a good 15 mins ride from UKM to that place (for a Breakfast..!).

We went in anyway with our heads bobbling up, down , and side to side to see if there was any chance we could get seats. Then this nice 'makcik' (I'm guessing the famous Kak Mah's relative) said, "Come in, there are seats at the back" (Direct translation from BM). SO, we picked out our desirable main courses to go with the nasi dagang. I chose 'Ikan tongkol Gulai' (Sardine in curry gravy-->probably)and 'Ayam masak Merah' (chicken in spicy chili gravy-->possibly). I know, it's quite a lot for a breakfast. But, we thought this is a once in a blue moon occasion so why not make the most out of it...?(haish..starting to regret saying that)

We found our table, we ate..in silent. My first bite was not a nightmare or so to speak. The ones that followed might be less enjoyable. Why? I was expecting for an out of the world taste of Nasi DAgang..but nothing. It tasted like, a mediocre, amateurishly made, easy-profit seeking, half-heartedly done Nasi Dagang. There was nothing exceptionally special about what I just put in my mouth. The rice was not sticky enough. The fish was too salty. The chicken, hurm..were they sure they made 'Ayam Masak Merah'? And to think that I spent RM7.50 on that----> GRrrRR..!!!

aLL throughout finishing the meal, I could only think about how my mom's Nasi Dagang taste 400 million times better and she doesn't even own a high mouth to mouth reputation restaurant. Haiyaaa..!! How did these people eat to even consider that the food tasted good on their tongue? I suggest they go see a specialist on tongue or a neurosurgeon since definitely their brain is sending wrong taste signals.

I don't think I would be thrilled the next time somebody asks me to come along to go eat there. I'd just say I was there..Once in a blue moon..

P/S: going back home this CNY--> gonna ask 'mak' to make nasi dagang for me..(n_n)

..Chain QUESTIONNAIRES..

2009-01-08T10:54:00.000+08:00

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be ?
I've been betrayed b4, I went away. So, I guess I'd just try to be as far away as possible frm tat person bcoz I know tat person juz stopped caring to want to betray you in the first place.
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be ?
I wish I was the brainiest person in the whole world (Hurm..being the richest could be cool too)
3. Whose butt would you like to kick ?
That person who betrayed me (this person juz never grows up it makes me mad)
4. What would you do with a billion dollars ?
Buy all the latest electronic gadgets, take my whole family for 7 rounds of Hajj, Invest some in profitable businesses, give some to the palestinian ppl so that they could be equally capable as the Israelians, WHat else..DO whatever other human with lots money do--> HAVE FUN !
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend ?
I have lots of best male friends, I never fell in love..I guess FRIENDS is the only word written on my forehead right now..(n_n)
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone ?
BOth..I am blessed tat I have my family who love me and I am capable of loving them back..
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love ?
If I really, really love this person then I should let this person just BE and move on with my life.Come on, I'm not that melodramatic. I still have my life and my family to pour all my love on..(Lots of love I seem to have..hehehe)
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?
The answer goes back to the answer above. Let it go...
9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor ?
If I ever had the chance to act, It would be with all the academy award winners so that I could get free pointers and great tips on acting. FREE ACTING CLASS from the BEST..Who wouldn't want that?
10. What takes you down the fastest ?
Being looked down by my family..Not that they had ever done that. Just that what they think of me matters you know ..huhuhu
11. How would you see yourself in ten years time ?
A career woman(not sure what that would be), Married?(I dunno), Independent, and still look like I'm still 25.(Yihaaaaa!!!)
12. What’s your fear?
If I ever forget who I am as a Muslim, as a daughter, and a Malaysian..(Patriotism.ngeh !) and owh, If I ever ran out of time to finish my research or ran out of money..(I hate asking money from my parents..)
13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is ?
I see the color pink..and PINK..and oh yeah..MORE PINK..HEHEHEHE!!
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor ?
hELL YEaH rich and SINGLE !!...It wouldn't be such a strong marriage if ur poor...so, it's either that or MArried and RICH..ahakzzzzzz
15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up ?
I check my handphone to see what time it is and go " oh SHIT !! i only have 15 mins left to get ready" What a way to start my morning huh?
16. Would you give all in a relationship ?
No. Simply because I don't have ALL..What does ALL even mean?
17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick ?
That's very unlikely..I am not that GREEDY..
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done ?
go back to Q 1..I don't forgive and forget. They r TWO very DIFFERENT things. I can forgive but I will never forget (its sort of a quality that I don't think I can abandon)
19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
Right now..being single ROCKS !!
20.List 5 people to tag :
hUH..I hate having to do this chain reaction thing..I dunno..Whoever wants to do this personality questionnaires, U R MORE THAN WELCOME..

Someone else's Idea

2009-01-07T11:04:00.000+08:00

So, this is actually my first online blog that actually has its own name.
I've been uploading my blog online via Friendster.
My ex-junior from college talked me into this. She said that
more people would actually read this if I have my own blog page.
So, here it is.
My BLOG.

anYWAY, the reason you blog is not for the sole purpose of having other people reading it, right? It is a medium for you to express your feelings, thoughts and ideas in words.
Am I right?
I can be wrong. I am Human.
No doubt about that.
HeheheheheheheheheheheheheheHEHee..
And I laugh too.,,(Surprise !!)
Hik, hik..by the by..I have another blog page (the friendster one)
SO, if any of you want to check it out you can visit
http://davillainz.blog.friendster.com/
Don't expect some extraordinary writings form me..
I am not a WRITER.
Just another blogger seeking for a space to feel connected with other people.
That's what the web is for right?
CheErs..!